It is a wide open Genre at times, bands fit into the falling catogories:
Doomy and depressive suicide and loss themed songs drawing direct inspiration from Anathema/MDB and Paradise Lost. The lyrical content and image makes it more "Goth" then actually following the Goth Rock bands of the 80's.
The use of Female Vocals/Beauty and the beast mixed with a very classical, dark romantic sound....Again, see Anathema and Paradise Lost (especially their "Gothic" album and track 12 on Icon, I forget how to spell it but you all know it)
This was really the first wave of bands....Gathering, ToT, The Sins, Tristania and a shit load of Polish one (Artrosis, Darzamat etc..)
Next you have the other side of the coin of "Gothic" Metal from when bands like Atrocity, Tiamat, Lacrimas Profundre etc changed their style dramatically, this again is directly related to Paradise Lost (see a trend here) after they released One Second. This time emphasis is placed much more on the Clean vocals emulating Andrew Eldritch. ToT of course would follow suite with the stripped down Aegis before losing themselves.
At the same time several Black Metal bands were experimenting with more atmospheric songs, classical string, keyboards, fem vocals etc, drawing on the succes of the Mid 90's B/b acts and Cradle of Filth with their image. This led to bands like Opera IX, Graveworm, Ancient Ceremony and several others.
Then Finland struck, not so much with HIM and the 69 Eyes which are PURE Gothic Rock straight from the 80's, but more along the lines of Sentenced with their "Death" Rock act. These bands almost entirely dropped the Metal side of things except the Guitars and the "Gothic" style has nothing to do with the early efforts of the British 3 but pure Eldritch worhsip (and some One Second) acts like Entwine, To/Die/For, Lullacry (fem fronted), For My Pain, Charon, Beseech (althogh very doomy on their first release) etc creating yet a 3rd example in the same genre.
Creating a 4th genre in a genre wasn't easy but hold on, next we get a whole bunch of bands directly inspired by the total change of direction we see in the Gathering with only Annke doing the vocals in Mandylion, Nighttime Birds, If then Else, etc. We get Flowing Tears, massive changes from Darzamat and Artrocis.
Now the 5th comes from the massive popularity of the fem fronted Nightwish you aren't really Gothic Metal at all, but you take what they did with Symphonic Heavy Metal, and you mix it with varying mixes of the above 4 styles to certain degree and you get what is pretty much the "standard" today for Goth Metal, which means Fem vocals, heavily symphonic neo classical Heavy Metal and some rough Male vocals. After Forever, Xandria, Epica, Elias etc etc.
Then you have almost a 6th Catagory with a bunch of bands that don't really fit in anywhere, stuff by Crematory, Darkseed, Black Shine, The Black League that pay a lot of attention to Wolverine Blues Entombed and Draconian Times Paradise Lost.
So no matter love it or hate Gothic Metal is really one of the most diversified generes in Heavy Metal and maybe the single hardest to breakdown what is Gothic Metal and What Isn't.
Sorry for spelling, I like to type fast. Anyways, all the different styles and bands is what keeps me coming back to the really good ones, it just doesn't get old unless you let it by buying 9000 copy cats versions of Mandylion or Widow Weeds.
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