Dead Machine wrote:
...you're quite a bit more forward with this then my last psychologist.
Yes, my family situation is a load of caustic, miserable shit. Crazy fuckup sister who'll probably rend my heart in two when she dies of overdose at 20, idiot verbal-abusive stepfather who bullies my mother and hates my sister, mother who is one step away from a nervous breakdown at all times, father who I love but don't see nearly enough, an inability to focus on real issues... I could babble on, but this is just way too personal to discuss on a message board in front of strangers by the dozen. I probably shouldn't even post the above, but you were kind enough to show us all a tad of what once was.
It's not that big a deal as long as there's not much detail.
That sounds familiar and there's probably nothing you can do about it. At 19 years old I'd been dealing with shit like for 8 years at that point. It took me beating the living shit out of my father and realizing that I probably could have killed him INTENTIONALLY to set me into a proactive mode. I'd not been much of a miserable prick outside of my house, but that was scary and made me change. I joined the Air Force then, I didn't want to but it got me away from it all.
And with me gone, my Mother had no protector anymore. That made her smarten up and after 9 years of abuse she finally left him. Now he's a homeless crack addict.
It's a cycle that I needed to extract myself from. I used to get into fights in school all the time, I had a short fuse, or, rather, a low tolerance for bullshit (i.e. you bump into me on purpose in the hallway because you think you're tough with your 4 friends, fine, I'll fuck all 5 of you up, that didn't happen often, but I tried...hahaha). Still, I directed it all at assholes and pieces of shit wannabe gangsters, not just anyone. I picked my battles wisely, I guess.
I also just tried to have fun any chance I could. Being miserable will kill you, I was miserable at home. That's where it stayed. It's a precarious balance, but it's not a hard one. You've gotta walk that line right down the middle until you can remove yourself from the situation. It's impossible to be 100% happy, but you can't be 100% miserable. Walk the line.
You don't have to respond to any of this. I'm 30 years old now. Life is good. I've had a long time to reflect on it all and I don't care if anyone knows my story. As I'm sure you can gather, I'm not the only one who went through something like that. Talking about your frustrations, though, can be much more helpful than taking them out on people.