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Burzum grew up eating Koalas but has since changed his ways. He now eats Bald Eagles.
Burzum once attached roller skates to his knees, then drank a 50 gallon drum of nitromethane fuel and farted out a 50' long jet flame, propelling him down the 1/4 mile drag strip to an astounding ET of 0.0000001 @ 669600000.01 MPH, exceeding the speed of light and creating a rift in space which devoured all life within a 100 mile radius.
Impersonating Burzum is an offence in 23 out of the 50 states
Burzum has dated the entire cast of Melrose Place
Brzum has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight.
Burzum built a bar in his basement and keeps it stocked with motor oil. He makes mixed drinks for Cadillacs.
Despite refusing to shoot, and being unable to ski, Burzum came in 4th overall in the '92 Winter Olympics' Biathalon event, missing the Bronze medal by a remarkably narrow margin.
Burzum does not own a television. Instead, he derives entertainment by routinely opening the Ark of the Covenant.
Burzum has the ability to consume quarters and shit the appropriate amount of nickels.
An advanced alien race once created a computer that successfully explained the meaning of life; however, the alien race, their planet, and practically everything else ever to come in contact with them was immediately obliterated when they asked for an explanation of Burzum.
Burzum invented consequences.
Burzum's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game. All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain.
In 1996 Burzum won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia.
Burzum can be used as a flotation device in the case of a water landing
Burzum has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Burzum ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Light cannot escape black holes; but Burzum can.
Burzum eats coal, shits diamonds, and then sells the diamonds to buy more coal.
Burzum was actually the one to peg Jesus onto the cross.
As a child, Burzum could be found staring absently across a large gorge. When asked what he was doing, he said he was going to burn the bridge down. Well I'll be a flyswatter's Aunt Sally if he didn't sit there for 14 years waiting for that bridge to be built, and when it finally was he torched it and was gone in the blink of an eye.
Burzum used to be on the Pro Bowlers Tour, he was later kicked off for bowling a 400 game.
Burzum is in reality a giant android controlled by The Jamaican government.
For Burzum so loved the world, he gave us God.
Burzum has beaten Sim City.
Burzum killed four people when he took a shit off the top of the Shin Kong-Mitsukoshi building. The deaths were ruled accidental but he is no longer permitted to enter Taiwan or the Republic of Haiti.
Burzum invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released.
When God said, "Let there be light," Burzum flipped the switch.
That's no moon, it's Burzum.
Burzum broke the home-run record using only his forehead as a bat.
Burzum was the 21st and 32nd American President.
Burzum defied MC Hammer and touched it.
Burzum is in fact, a n00b.
If God made a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it, Burzum would eat it with Fire sauce from Taco Bell.
Burzum regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Burzum is as successful as ever.
Burzum wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas.
Burzum is 8 out of the 32 Baskin Robbins flavors.
Burzum isn't actually Burzum but infact Euronymous in a Burzum disguise.
Burzum was the second gunman in Dallas.
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i find this relatively better than Chuck 'look at my manly chest hair' Norris