Metal Reviews

Some people are super weird about phone calls these days. Plus, she has her kid and I don't have anything really to talk to her about important so I'll just wait and see if she's not busy, which will probably be when I have class. But I am going to her Halloween party next weekend so I'm not super concerned. I just don't want any charm I have in person to be worn down by pessimistic texts.

I hope things go well for you Kyle. Because texting is so extremely popular and mundane now, it seems the old school way of communication like actually hearing the person's voice on the phone has become as you say socially awkward or unusual. I've told my lady friend that I will phone her once in a while instead of her texting her and I have and it wasn't really weird at all. Maybe when you phone a couple of times and speak on the phone it will break the barrier. Giving it more time and knowing each other better and becoming comfortable with each other in a face-to-face interaction will be a remedy to the socially awkward feeling on the phone.

Cheers, guy. It turns out I was just totally overthinking it. She was busy last night with her friends and I was at a concert so it's not as if I could text either. And then this morning she was with her kid, so once she put her to bed we had some productive texting. Back on course, after a cancelled date and me being a tad pouty over my own personal issues in texts, I was just afraid I had scared her off. Being a pessimistic dude over texts can be a turn off without the flip side of me being super light-hearted in person.

Wow. Actually talking to someone on the phone is going obsolete. I'm getting old. I guess I was part of the last group of kids coming up that didn't grow up with the Internet and cell phones. I gotta say I think we were better off for it. Kids today are soft.

Back in my day there were no cell phones. There was no Internet. There was no cars. Only horses and carriages. We had to walk 6 miles to school every morning. In the snow. Without any shoes....

Think about it.

Uphill both ways? When I was a kid, I used to talk to lady friends over the phone. It was funny, because a few weeks I talked to an old lady friend over the phone and it reminded me so much of when I was in like middle school. It was kinda adorable.

I've never really had conversations with people over the phone or texting. I only use them to make plans to meet.

started a facebook yesterday to try and get in touch with some old friends from way back. i was always weirded out by facebook and never wanted to start one. i still have mixed feelings about it but it is kinda cool to connect with old friends. people are married and have kids and live in different places.

some things may be better left alone maybe...there are some things that maybe i dont want to know.

Went to my first philosophy conference this weekend. Mixed feelings. Was not a fan of most of the talks but I think it's because I wasn't familiar with the subjects so I was playing catch up most of the time. Watching a grad student's paper get destroyed by two aggressive teachers was scary. Talked to people from schools I might go to which was nice.

Oh I guarantee that one.

yep ive opened up a whole can of worms. i always liked my anonymity. now its gone.

Noooooo.

They take every piece of information and give it to every corporation, the cia, the fbi and homeland security or the equivalent in your country.

Massive spying operation!

What conference was it? The trick is going to larger conferences so that you can find panels that interest you, but it's always tricky to find a full day's schedule of things that interest you. Not to mention that even if you like Kierkegaard, a panel on Kierkegaard might not at all be related to the books you know of his and so it's always a little bit catch up. Are you on the western or eastern side of Canada?

It was the Western Canadian Philosophy Association conference. It did make me want to learn more about some things, like if someone can make the idea of logical probability at all convincing.

We're on such opposite sides of the spectrum, my friend. Eastern Canada has all the conferences I'm familiar with...

Rumour has it that Zizek is going to be visiting Aberdeen University sometime soon. Trapt is going to be jealous *.*

Seeing him at Villanova in April.

I'm very tired and maybe slightly sick. Weekend didn't feel like a weekend. Not feeling good, not good at all. Tomorrow I'm just typing up my grant application and showing it to my teacher so that's not too bad. I'll get rest!

im starving.

i want veal.

and here i am quoting myself because i am a idiot.

so facebook has just delivered a serious blow to my heart. back story is needed.

i was 17. erica was her name. she is russian. but born here. she did a serious mind fuck on me. i was at a party. we were all drinking on the back deck. im at a table sitting with a buddy drinking a beer. this girl who i have never talked to before comes over and sits on my lap. (now if this happened today i would of been on that shit but unfortunately i was a insecure kid). so i kind of freeze up and totally blow the oportunity.

so she keeps popping up in different places over the course of a couple months. she never directly makes a move but she like lingers and im never sure if it is what i think it is. i become completely and totally in love.

as more time passes she keeps showing interest and we start hanging out and im falling really hard for her. she is strange. she threw a party and she has a pool. i pull up with friends and she runs out of the backyard of her house in her bathing suit and jumps into my arms wraps her legs around me and wont let go. my buddy looks at me and gives me the nod (like dude she wants the cock). but then she would go cold.

so this shit continues. to where i cant take it anymore. i tell her how i feel. i ask her if there can ever be more than friendship. she wants to think about it but remain friends while she does so. i agree.

we hang out alot but thats it. meanwhile im dying inside. i become even more reckless than i already was. deep down i know she is stringing me along. i know this. but i need to at least be near her. so i continue to be her friend and its killing me.

at a party someone had percocets. i bought a couple and took them. i felt better than i had in about 6 months. my insides that were always in a knot loosened. i could breath. i didnt care so much. i bought more.

so now i have a pill habit. but in the beginning it didnt matter because i didnt care anymore. about anything. we still hung out but i didnt have the same affection for her because the pills took it away. she responded to this positively. as she became more interested i was distancing myself.

i started dating a girl that she knew but wasnt really friends with. she showed even more interest. i stoped dating the girl after a few weeks. stopped taking the pills because i couldnt get them anymore. those old feelings came back and she lost interest again.

shit got real bad for me after this. idk why i felt so deeply for this girl and i can never fully explain it in words. anyway i dont want to go into what happened to me after this but all ill say is it wasnt good.

Define infinity this^ is why i kind of got worked up when reading your posts. it brought back memories. and this is why i generally dont allow myself to date anyone i truly like. this is why im dead inside to some extent.

back to facebook. she just direct messaged me. "hey stranger!! how are you??"

i said "im good. how are you?"

she said "im great!! im going to school for radiology and im done in 6 months. And i get married in 7 months!! everything is awesome!!"

i congratulated her. i got hit with a wave of old depression. feelings i havent felt hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. i had to talk about it guys. i feel slightly better but what the fuck was i thinking?? fuck facebook!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah snake, I don't want to say: "I told you so", but those types of facebook stories happen all the time. Remember that a lot of people that say they are great and doing wonderful are actually lying, just projecting a false image to comfort their own insecurities.