Metal Reviews

There are some songs that eternally bring the gayness every time they are played. What are some of the worst songs regardless of subgenre of metal? Do you they cause you to laugh until your sides cave in? Or do you they just piss you off to where you just break something?

My picks are:

Manowar-Return of the warlord (Bar none the worst lyrics of all songs. "If you like metal, your my friend". It's so cheesy and the biker noises, on top of the most derivative metal riffs of all time.

Six feet under-Murdered in the basement (You can hear Chris Barnes try so hard to sound threatening. Not to mention the chorus is terrible)

Slayer-Hate Worldwide (I appreciate the old guys still thrashing, but the production makes Araya sound too loud. Not to mention the lyrics are terrible.

Metallica-Frantic (easily one of the most annoying for that snare tone, and the worst chorus known to man (FRANTIC TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TOCK)

Devourment-Baby killer (one of the dryest guitar tones I've heard, and those terrible piggy vocals on top of it. Terrible song)

Into Eternity-Severe emotional stress (Stu's lyrics beg scream emo, and wanting himself to cut his wrsts. Not to mention the drums are overtrigged. awful stuff)

Mastodon-Colony of Birchmen (one of the worst vocal performances I've heard from the band.)

these are just a few.

Alcatrazz - Suffer Me, comes to mind immediately.

To be honest, I try to erase from my mind really bad songs.

Keep Of Kalessin - Dragontower
Cryptopsy - Bemoan The Martyr
Manowar - Thunderstring (whatever that damn bass solo is called)
Trivium - Pull Harder On The Strings Of Something Or Other



These do not deserve to be mentioned in the same breath. Hate Worldwide is far from the worst metal ever. And Frantic is at least amusing, unlike some of the other St Anger songs...

Pretty much everything by Trivium and Bullet for my Valentine. Awful, awful bands.

Soulfly - Bleed (feat. Fred Durrrrst)

Man, I have some stuff that will piss people off.. Like how I can't handle that awful Blind Guardian vocalist. Oh and, Sonata Arctica, Stratovarius and newer Children of Bodom. Yuck

Hmm... won't piss me off, just makes me look at you a little different.

With hatred instead of friendliness.

I LOOOOVEE Colony of Birchmen and I'm honestly not the biggest Masty fan. Yeah, Cryptopsy part deuxche takes the cake.

Yeah well, comparing them to Trivium and BFMV is probaby very unfair.

But yeah, as far as BG goes, the vocals ruin it for me tbh. Strato as well.

Sonata however has released alot of awful music over the last couple of years. So I'll let them stay.

I'm with you all the way. I tried to get into Nightfall on Middle Earth and the vocals ruined it. It was the way they were layered and mixed that was the problem. It's like Boston, or Yes, but you can't follow any one track in particular. So fuck em, i'll take Persuader/SC instead.

Seriously, it's pretty bizzare calling it one of the worst metal tracks of all time. I don't know what's the problem with the vocals, but they're fine by me.

I do have to agree with Cryptopsy's "Bemoan The Martyr," however. Truly truly awful.

Anything by Guns N Roses.

Thats hardly metal isn it?

Bah, threads like these just become platforms for people to troll with "shocking" statements.

er wait .. I guess that's every thread

According to VH1 GnR is fuckin' kvlt.

Nah that song is one of the good ones on Ascendancy.

Yet it's still one of the worst metal songs of all time!

G'n'R are dreadful, metal or no.

Shocking, considering they put out the best hard rock album of the entire 80s.