FrigidSymphony wrote:
Full House isn't that bad...
Oh yes it is.
Jessie, Joey and that other douchebag, whatsisname... Danny.
My one and only episode of Full house would go something like this:
Danny comes home and sees that sombody left a cup on the coffee table from that morning (crowd goes "ooooohhh"); He starts to shake with rage, his eyelid twitching all over the place. (laugh track)
He finally composes himself, picks up the cup, ponders it in his hand and gently carries it to the kitchen sink, whilst humming "I'll Be There". He goes out to the garage (stopping to straighten a few misplaced items on a shelf), and goes and gets an axe; (insert laugh track).
He walks up the stairs (still humming), sees Joey working on his act in a red clown nose and a feather duster protruding from his ass (he is wearing red lingerie) and a surgical glove on top of his head in front of the mirror, and without asking any questions, as Joey's eyes widen in utter panic, chops Joey into pieces. (laugh track)
We then fade to Danny, literally covered in blood, chunks of flesh and hair, hiding behind the door (laugh track), waiting for Jessie to come home from his job killing bugs, and it's the axe for him, too. (laugh track)
Being an industrious and anal bastard he cleans everything up immacuately just in time to start dinner, which just so happens to be, yep, you guessed it.
We fade in to the girls and our Hero, Danny, sitting down to dinner and Stef asks: "Say, where's cousin Joey? And Jessie?"
( "oooohhh" / laugh track)
To which Danny replies"JUST SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKING DINNER, GODDAMMIT, OR I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS IN!!!"
We fade out to Stef and her sisters crying
uncontrollably.
Danny slides his chair back, wipes his mouth and heads for the garage, humming under his breath... (laugh track / applause)
end/
