Metal Reviews

that's really good, Zad, really really good!!! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?!

But i agree.. stupid kids. If i ever catch my future kids on a stinking poo-poo MM page telling him how much they love him and how beautiful he is, I'm afraid I would have to abort them with a hammer.

I've always been a big supporter of partial birth abortions myself. Cracking babies skulls open with a hammer is pretty fucking kvlt.

Okay, I know I'm bringing up a VERY old thread, but I would like to mention (specifically) that the band Tool has some pretty moronic fans too. For the record, I like Tool, but I also think they're highly overrated. And I have to laugh when fans talk about how deep and insightful their lyrics are. Okay, here are the lyrics for Hooker With A Penis:

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope Beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was OGT,
Back in '92,
From the first EP

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man

Well now I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy
Before you point the finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,
Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck
I sold out long before you ever heard my name

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one

So I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the fuckin' man
Then you're the fuckin' man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck
I sold out long before you ever heard my name

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

So...Shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy

Am I the only one who's not afraid to point out just how ridiculous and childish these lyrics are? Yes, I'm well aware of the fact that Maynard was trying to take a brutally honest stand against the people that claim he "sold out." But come on. What's so poetic about screaming a bunch of profanities that don't even rhyme? And, whether he may like to admit it or not, I'm sure at least part of Maynard's intention with lyrics like these (along with the lyrics for songs like Stinkfist and Prison Sex) is just shock-value and to appeal to rebellious teenagers.

I've never had a problem with 'fuck you's in lyrics, like many Metalheads seem to. The above lyrics seem fine to me. What, you stop telling people to fuck themselves once you get above a certain age?

No. But when people go on about how "deep and insightful" Tool's lyrics are, isn't it fair to expect just a little more out of them?

I rarely pay attention to what Maynard's saying, tbh. Just another instrument... People say Children of Bodom's lyrics are deep and insightful anyways, you can't expect everyone to see the same depth in everything.

Hooker with a penis is my favourite Tool song ever lol. But i do agree that Tool fans are all like "OMG how can u listen to anything else Tool is the be all and end all of music"

Most Nu-metal fans have a complete lack of knowledge about metal. I listen to a lot of those bands but that is because there are some great albums in that genre, BUt to igno0re bands like Sbbath and Maiden in favor of Dope and Mudvayne is just fucking dumb. I like Dope and Mudvayne too by the way.

Black metal purists are generally more elitist fucks than they are stupid. Why do they get so many votes?

I voted for thrash. Think of the 80's. ( Even though I enjoy thrash )

I like Hooker With A Penis, too. Don't get me wrong. But, as Zad pointed out, I just don't really see the depth in it that other people might see. All I see is Maynard being really pissed off at this kid who called him a sellout for signing on to a major record label with Undertow (and really, why should he care about what some bratty kid says anyway?). Or may be Maynard was just playing the role of Lars Ulrich responding to all the people that dissed Load just a few months prior. His bluntness and self-expression are commendable. But there really isn't anything astoundingly introspective in most of his lyrics with Tool. I dunno, may be my expectations for the band were just a little different than they should've been?

I guess my biggest problem with Tool's music is that, despite all the bells and whistles they put into their songs, most of them sound so much alike. The same bass sound, the same D-tuning (and sometimes E-tuning), the same slow/plodding tempo.

i don't think maynard was really going for "deep and insightful" when he wrote hooker with a penis.

imo all of tool's lyrics are about anal sex

I would voted for the gothic ones but they aren't in selection.

Why do lots of you consider thrash stupid?

Possibly!

It isn't so much the genre but some of the over 40 crowd that are thrash relics from way back that were always morons.

What qualifies the 40+ thrash fan as a moron? Is it being stuck in the past musically or "I'm still living in my parents basement" kind of a thing?

I guess I'm curious because I'm 38 and I don't find myself gravitating toward older metal fans because the majority of them seem stuck in a time warp. There are older bands that I still follow but 90% of the time I find myself listening to music that was created within the last 5 years or so.

interesting...

When I think of stupid thrash fans, I just think of heavy metal parking lot.

Now here's a scary and embarrassing revelation. That was filmed at the Capital Centre in Largo, Maryland (which has since been torn down) for a Judas Priest show..right? Well, I was at that show and I lived approximately 10 miles from the Capital Centre in Bowie, Maryland at the time. I was growing up in that ridiculous wasted ass culture!! They were all mostly stoned or drunk during those shows. In fact, one of my closest friends went to see Iron Maiden at the same venue for the Powerslave show. He had seats on the opposite side of the arena as me. The next day I ran into him and asked, " What did you think? That was an awesome show!!" His response :

" I can't remember any of it. I was doing hits of acid all night"

I thought....what a moron!!!

This poll is lame, sorry... all sub-genres have their retards.
Thrash with their drink 'til you puke tendencies, Power with their fairies and leprachauns, Black with their kvlt trueness, Nu-metal for being retarded, etc.
Fuck, something like 80% of the general population is pretty much lame, no matter how you slice it.
That being said, I pick Power.

I'm surprised that no has yet touched on the fact that many black metal fans were responsible for church burnings throughout the '90s. Supposedly some of the actual artists started these events, but for any fan base to be so ignorant and narrow-minded as to violently attack other people's faith, usually in vain, just because their favorite musicians said so...that's something beyond mere stupidity, in my book.

And I guess it goes without mentioning that many of the churches they burned actually pre-dated Christianity. Morons.