Metal Reviews

ok, tell me your jokes you hear every day or if you know one from before, just post as much jokes.

"How do russians call a device to look through walls?"
"window"

"what has oprah got for this xmas?" "80 pounds"

What do you get if you inject a whole lot of botox into a wrinkled chicken ass?


- Cher!



What happens when Bolo Yeung gets the blues?


- He turns into the fucking Hulk... he's yellow and big... you know.. yellow and blue makes green... right? ahaha ha?!...



A: "Knock knock!"
B: "Who's there?"
A: " A poor homeless proletarian!"
B: " Yuack! Go away!"



What do you get if you leave your dead grandmother to rot in the sun for days?


- Cher!




Why did Chow Yun-Fat walked across the road?


- Because he didn't felt like flying that day!



A: "Knock knock"
B: " Who's there?"
A: " Bill!"
B: " Bill Gates?"
A: " No, just a bill.. you owe the insurance company 20$!"




So this chinese guy went into a bar and asked the bartender, " Do you got dog?". " Yes", the bartender said, " or rather, I used to have one. Fifi was its name and it had three legs and two tails. But then it got a heart attack and died, poor little fellow".
" Oh, i'm sorry", the chinaman said. " Oh yeah? What is it to you?", a big Negro guy of some sort said, standing two meters away.
" Ah, you see, my wife just had a baby", the chinaman replied " And she doesn't like cats very much!". " Oh, I get it? So now that you can't feed your wife with cats you want to get her dogs instead?! Get the fuck out of here!"
" What the fuck are you talking about you piece of shit racist motherfucker ass idiot?!?", the chinaman gently replied. " Oh, I'm sorry!!!", the Negro guy of some sort said feeling a little guilty, " Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" he asked. " Kiss me! Kiss me as you have never kissed anyone before!!!" the chinaman eagerly replied. And so it came to be that a Negro guy of some sort and a Chinese guy kissed each other, and later that night they tried to make babies, unfortunately the Negro guy of some sort had Aids and now they are both dead. But the memory of two loving ppl who didn't cared about race and gender will live on in the hearts of many... oh.. and the chinaman's wife died a little later because she tried to swallow a dog with curry.. pfft damn chinese ppl

I feel guilty that I'm not editing Kim's post to remove all the blatant political incorrectness.

Anyways:

what do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto! (rubber-toe)

Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Groan...

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fffssshhh


Why are Mexico so shit in the olympics???

Coz everyone who can run, jump or swim's in America by now

Oh we're doing chinese jokes eh? Don't normally tell em coz one of my ex's is half chinese, but this ones a classic

Did you hear bout the chinese look a like contest?
Yeah thats right they all won!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants

What the best thing about shagging Twentyeight year olds?
There is Twenty of them

Where do you find a one legged dog?
Where you left it.

So... this indian guy, right, he walks into a bar. " Give me some firewater!" he said to the Negro bartender of some sort. " Yes, sir!" he replied in a friendly manner. While the Indian stood and enjoyed his firewater this chinese guy walked up to him and asked him " Say, that's a great bow you got there! How far can you shoot?". " Oh, I don't know, but I once shot a Polish guy in the eye while I was visiting my cousin in Texas!". " Oh really?! that's quite a distance!". " No, not really, he tried to pull down my pants, so I shot him in the eye!". " Ah okay. I understand!", the chinaman said.
Time went by as they stood next to the bar and then this French guy walked up to them and asks the chinaman " Hey, you look quite healthy! What is your secret?". " Oh, I eat alot of fish - it is healthy as fuck!". " Ass fuck, you say?! Hmm... being the French guy that I am that is what I like the most next to eating frogs and bugettes!". " Me too", the Negro bartender of some sort said. A few seconds later the four men started to fondle and cuddle each other, and then they went out to rent a room in order to finnish the job. Along the way they ran into this Swedish guy who had a lot sex toys at his disposal - lots of buttplugs in different shapes and sizes, rubberfists and latexclothings. Rumour has it they had a lovely fivesome, they really really had a good time with lots of fisting, sweaty romance, rimming, spanking, and what not. The French guy did however feel a little outside because the other wouldn't want to have pee sex with him, and since there was no germans around he would have to survive without - he still had a great time, though, and he wished that all five of them could be together for ever.
Unfortunatly, the Negro bartender of some sort had Aids, deadly diarrhea, cancer and also had the birdflu because he accidently licked on a dead bird - but at least he wasn't French - so they all died a slow and painful death, except for the French guy, he died right away because he gave up without a fight as ussual.
The Polish guy lived on to tell the tale about his arrow accident for many years but eventually he died from a pretty hefty hemoroid - he didn't get enough dietary fibres because he was so poor so he had to push himself to the limit for too long. And hemoroids do not next mix well with anal sex, but he wouldn't take his Russian docter's advice, so one might say he had it coming.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

What's the funniest thing about raping a toddler?



Hearing the hipbone crack.




...





...




...I'll be off then.

When asked my favourite place to bone a girl I had to ask if the soft spot counted.

Jew jokes ftw. Hope no one gets too offended.

Why are Jew's noses so big?
Air is free.

A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down a street when they see a little boy. The Catholic priest says "Let's screw him!" and the rabbi responds "Out of what?"

Why can't Helen Keller drive?



Because she's a woman.


How do you get helen keller to keep a secret?


Break her fingers.

This is now the "wind Zad up" thread, is it?

I <3 Hellen Keller jokes. My favorite:

Did you know Hellen Keller had a swing set?

Neither did she.

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her when she was bad?

Put a plunger in the toilet.

ok, here is racial one... hope nobody gets offended...

"why do black kids never play in a sandbox"
"so the cat don't bury them"

Not only is that racist, it's unfunny. Let's keep to the rules, people.