(Your funniest) Unexpectedly Stupid Lyrics thread

crast · **Joined:** Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:29 pm **Posts:** 1502

Sanctrum wrote:

This is the last time
I have watched you try
This time I will help you
This time you shall die

Planned suicide - let me take your life

I am going to make you an offer
An offer you can't resist
I am going to take your life
This time you shall die

Now welcome to the last place
The last place you will see
Welcome to your last meal
Hello I'm doctor death

bwhahahahaa.

HELLO! I AM DOCTOR DEATH!

.:crast:.

Radagast · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 1:56 pm

derncare wrote:

Like this? :lol:

Manowar: Kings Of Metal

Manowar Manowar living on the road
When we're in town speakers explode
We don't attract wimps 'cause we're too loud
Just true metal people that's Manowar's crowd

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
Other bands play Manowar kill
Other bands play Manowar kill

We like it hard, we like it fast
We got the biggest amps, man they blast
True metal people wanna rock not pose
Wearin' jeans and leather, not cracker jack clothes

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
Other bands play Manowar kill
Other bands play Manowar kill

We're the kings of metal comin' to town
When we light up, have the roof nailed down
Don't try to tell us that we're too loud
'Cause there ain't no way that we'll ever turn down

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
other bands play Manowar kill

ganeshaRules wrote:

derncare wrote:

Like this? :lol:

Yes. Or this:

I Made A Rock'n'roll
When I Tried Givin' In, To Make Money Had To Turn Down Low
They Said, "Why Be Proud, Don't Play So Loud, Be Like Us
And Get A Sound That's Real Thin
Wear A Polyester Suit, Act Happy, Look Cute, Get A Haircut
And Buy Small Gear"
That's When I Turned To Them And Said, Hold It, Right There
Well It's More To Me Than Just A Job, And While I'm Playin'
You Won't Get Robbed
Nobody Tells A Man How To Play, It Just Ain't That Way
Hey, Hey, Hey, Can You Hear Me Say
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again

I'm Jet Fuel Honey, Plug Me Into 220, Step Back And Let
My Fingers Fly
While I'm Burning Up My Gear, There's A Fire In Your Ear
That Won't Stop Until The Day You Die
I Really Put It To The Floor When I Hear The Crowd Roar
Oh, It's Music To My Ears When They Scream
Then I Run Back The Power Rack And Deck, All Of My Gear

Well It's More To Me Than Just A Job, And While I'm Playing
You Won't Get Robbed
Nobody Tells A Man How To Play, It Just Ain't That Way
Hey, Hey, Hey, Can You Hear Me Say
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again

Well It's More To Me Than Just A Job, And While I'm Playing
You Won't Get Robbed
Nobody Tells A Man How To Play, It Just Ain't That Way
Hey, Hey, Hey, Can You Hear Me Say
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again
All Men Play On Ten, Never Gonna Turn Down Again

Those lyrics crush your pitiful bones....with steel!

In response to your lolz, Joey DeMaio is presently raping every single female member of both your families, living or dead.

Siberian Dreamer · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:50 pm

Damn, I was gonna post Psychotron... :lol:

Iron Maiden - Quest for fire

In a time when dinosaurs walked the earth
When the land was swamp and caves were home
In an age when prize possession was fire
To search for landscapes men would roam.

Then the tribes they came to steal their fire
And the wolves they howled into the night
As they fought a vicious angry battle
to save the power of warmth and light.

Drawn by Quest for fire
They searched all through the land
Drawn by Quest for fire
Discovery of man.

And they thought that when the embers died away
That the flame of life had burnt and died
Didn't know the sparks that made the fire
Were made by rubbing stick and stone.

So they ploughed through forest and swamps of danger
And they fought the cannibal tribes and beasts
In the search to find another fire
To regain the power of life and heat.

Drawn by Quest for fire
They searched across the land
Drawn by Quest for fire
Discovery of man.

Iron Maiden - The Apparition

Now I'm here can you see me
'Cos I'm out on my own
When the room goes cold tell me you can feel me
..........'cos I'm here

Here I am, can you see me
Passing through, on my way
To a place I'd been to only in my dreams... before

In a world of delusion
Never turn your back on a friend
'Cause you can count your real true friends on one hand
..........through life

There are those that deceive you
There are those That'll let you down
Is there someone out there that would die for you
..........thought not

Live your life with a passion
Everything you do, do well
You only get out of life what you put in
..........so they say

In a world of confusion
People never say that what they mean
If you want a straight answer go look for one
..........right now

In a room full of strangers
Do you stand with your back to the wall
Do you sometimes feel like you're on the outside
..........looking in ?

You can make your own luck
You create your destiny
I believe you have the power if you want to
..........it's true

You can do what you want to
If you try a little bit harder
A little bit of faith goes a long way
..........it does

Are we here for a reason ?
I'd like to know just what you think
It would be nice to know what happened when we die
..........wouldn't it ?

There are some who are wise
There are some who are born naive
I believe that there are some that must have lived before
..........don't you ?

As for me, well I'm thinking
You gotta keep an open mind
But I hope that my life's not an open and shut case.

Extra Sensory Perception
Life After Death, telepathy
Can the soul live on and travel through space and time ?

You know I feel so clated
'Cause I'm about to find it out
And when I know all the answers
Maybe then I'll come back
..........to fill you in

You don't be alarmed now
If I try to contact you
If things go missing or get moved around ...it's me

And don't disbelieve it
No matter what your `friends' might say
We'll meet up again some place some way
..........one day

Steve can be so terrible sometimes....

Radagast · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:54 pm

+ like, a lot on The Apparition. Maiden's worst song. :dio:

December Flower · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 5:11 pm

Dropkick Murphys - Wicked Sensitive Crew (one of my favorite non-metal bands)

Quote:

Well it's all gone to hell now, the wimps have gangs.
Pop-punk tough guys, neck tattoos.
If you guys are hard, I'd rather be soft.
Man, I gotta find me some seriously sensitive dudes.

Hey! Ho! Hey!

You gotta shake hands with your feelings
in the wicked sensitive crew.

In Pittsburgh they called us closed minded,
but we know that's simply not true.
Yeah, we're touchy, feely, sensitive guys,
I ain't ashamed I cried when Micky died in Rocky 2!

In Sidney they misunderstood us,
they called us thugs and mean-spirited types.
Yeah, we might not be Swedish, and we sure ain't vegan,
but do thugs have posters on their bedroom wall
of the dude from the Darkness in a creepy meat suit
zippered so low you can practically see his...God that's gross!

Hey! Ho! Hey!

You gotta shake hands with your feelings
in the wicked sensitive crew.

I don't know nothing about no meat suit
But I'll tell you there's one town that's ahead of the times
Man, they know what's up for sure
You see, it's home to the godfather of love
The man who started it all
One Teddy "Huggybear" Etoll

Hey! Ho! Hey!

You gotta shake hands with your feelings
We've got a big hug waiting for you

One more time!
Hey! Ho! Hey!

You gotta shake hands with your feelings
In the wicked sensitive crew.

derncare · **Joined:** Sat Jul 16, 2005 4:40 am **Posts:** 731

Radagast wrote:

+ like, a lot on The Apparition. Maiden's worst song. :dio:

Worse than Weekend Warrior? :lol:

Steve Harris can be such a great songwriter - one of the best at times - but for some reason, nearly every (even the greatest)Maiden album has a filler song or two that just has terrible lyrics.

Siberian Dreamer · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:21 pm

derncare wrote:

Radagast wrote:

+ like, a lot on The Apparition. Maiden's worst song. :dio:

Worse than Weekend Warrior? :lol:

Steve Harris can be such a great songwriter - one of the best at times - but for some reason, nearly every (even the greatest)Maiden album has a filler song or two that just has terrible lyrics.

Fillerslave is an example... But Maiden are such legends that they can get away with shit songs on most of their albums.
Hooks in you is also pretty unforgivable...

derncare · **Joined:** Sat Jul 16, 2005 4:40 am **Posts:** 731

"Fillerslave" :lol:

On that one, you get Aces High, Two Minutes to Midnight, Rime, and Powerslave - all classics. It's easy to forget you also have Back in the Village and the Duelists on the same album

EDIT:

A Filler of Mind (Quest for Fire)
Filler in Time (Deja Vu)
No Prayer for the Filler (Hooks in You, The Assassin)
Fear of the Filler (The Apparition, Weekend Warrior)

One thing I have to give credit for the last three albums with Bruce, while it's arguable that there aren't many songs as great as their classics, it seems to me there is alot less filler material.

And for a laugh now:

The Assassin

[Harris]

Now the contracts out
They've put the word about
I'm coming after you

It's not the money I make
It's the thrill of the chase
And I'm coming after you

I watch your every move
Study the things you do
And the pattern of your ways

I watch the way you walk
I hear your telephone talk
I want to understand the way you think

Better watch out, cos I'm the Assassin
Better watch out, Better watch out
Assassin

I'm in a cold cold sweat
I taste the smell of death
I know the moment's getting closer

And as you walk to the light
I feel my hands go tight
Excitement running through my veins

I've got you in my sights
I've got you dead to rights
The triggers waiting for my finger

I feel adrenalin rush
It's just the final touch
You can kiss your arse goodbye

Siberian Dreamer · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:36 pm

derncare wrote:

"Fillerslave" :lol:

On that one, you get Aces High, Two Minutes to Midnight, Rime, and Powerslave - all classics. It's easy to forget you also have Back in the Village and the Duelists on the same album

And losfer words...flash of the blade is silly, but I actually love the chorus, so I won't count that. The four classics are indeed worth it, and I'm looking forward to them bringing back the Powerslave live set in 2008 :dio:

derncare · **Joined:** Sat Jul 16, 2005 4:40 am **Posts:** 731

Check out my edited post :lol:

The_Voice · **Posted:** Thu Oct 05, 2006 9:27 pm

I actually like all that Maiden songs you posted, but whatever.

Brocas Helm - Skullfucker

Quote:

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!!!

i've been done before
but not like this
i've got the kiss of death
upon my lips

and i'm saving it for you!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it!

she was such a pretty girl
she always wore her hair in curls
but she never went to sunday school
i think its time i...
EDUCATE HER!!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!

her mother and father
called it quits when she was just a kid
out on the streets
i let her in and look at what she did to me

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

i was such a happy lad
i always loved me mum and dad
but then she took it all away
i guess i'll just let her live and aggrivate her

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

heatseeker · **Posted:** Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:11 am

The_Voice wrote:

Brocas Helm - Skullfucker

Quote:

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!!!

i've been done before
but not like this
i've got the kiss of death
upon my lips

and i'm saving it for you!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it!

she was such a pretty girl
she always wore her hair in curls
but she never went to sunday school
i think its time i...
EDUCATE HER!!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!

her mother and father
called it quits when she was just a kid
out on the streets
i let her in and look at what she did to me

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

i was such a happy lad
i always loved me mum and dad
but then she took it all away
i guess i'll just let her live and aggrivate her

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

That is just so incredibly bad...the worst I've seen on this thread. At least Manowar has a kind of joke-type spirit to it.

Siberian Dreamer · **Posted:** Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:42 am

Heaven Can Wait is the only one I dislike from Somewhere in time, actually.... The Assasin is hilarious too though :lol:

Skid Row - Get the fuck out is truly awful...

Your jokes ain't funny and there's nothin' you say that I wanna hear
The sound of the door slammin' your ass out is music to my ears
If I can't beat you then I m gonna beat you to a pulp
So can the TV rays and take my tonsil glaze right down your throat

You're standin' to close what the fuck's with you
You ain't my old lady and you ain't a tattoo
No need to whimper no need to shout
This party s over so get the fuck out
Get the fuck out

Well I puke I stink bitch get me a drink 'cause I m payin' for the room
I ain't buying you breakfast so keep your mouth busy and wrap your lips all
around my attitiude
Take a walk with me with your triple double Ds and your 40 foot do
Why you walkin' funny you must have spent some time with the boys in the
crew

You're standin' to close what the fuck's with you
You ain't my old lady and you ain't a tattoo
No need to whimper no need to shout
This party s over so get the fuck out
Get the fuck out

The morning's comin' in and this is my bed
If I find you here when I wake up
The maid is gonna find me dead.

You're standin' to close what the fuck's with you
You ain't my old lady and you ain't a tattoo
No need to whimper no need to shout
This party s over so get the fuck out
Get the fuck out
Get the fuck out
Get the fuck out[/b]

The_Voice · **Posted:** Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:24 pm

heatseeker wrote:

The_Voice wrote:

Brocas Helm - Skullfucker

Quote:

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!!!

i've been done before
but not like this
i've got the kiss of death
upon my lips

and i'm saving it for you!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it!

she was such a pretty girl
she always wore her hair in curls
but she never went to sunday school
i think its time i...
EDUCATE HER!!!

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

scalp her and i'll fuck her head
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
and cum inside her brain
scalp her and i'll fuck her head
skullfucker!!

her mother and father
called it quits when she was just a kid
out on the streets
i let her in and look at what she did to me

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

i was such a happy lad
i always loved me mum and dad
but then she took it all away
i guess i'll just let her live and aggrivate her

PAIN!!! TORTURE!!! SEX!!!
awful bloody pain!
torture! sex!
when you least expect it

That is just so incredibly bad...the worst I've seen on this thread. At least Manowar has a kind of joke-type spirit to it.

The song is awesome though, if you havent heard it you should, and is obviously a joke.

Seinfeld26 · **Posted:** Sat Oct 07, 2006 2:26 am

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned anything from the album God Hates Us All (by Slayer):

You need to take a closer look at me
Cause I was born to be the thorn in your side
No matter what you think you're gonna see
You never wanted this barrage of fucking pride
You don't want none of me

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

You only live to be a parasite
Your life must suck when nothing's going your way
Everything melts away before your eyes
You're just a punk that doesn't have the sense to get away
Get the fuck away

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
When you draw first blood you can't stop this fight
For my own peace of mind - I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Payback's a bitch motherfucker

I will never become your fucking scapegoat
I don't know how it feels to come up short
I only want vengeance
To come shining down on me
I don't want you to die
Before I get the chance to kill you myself

You've got a fucking catheter in your brain
Pissing your common sense away
This is for the mindfuck
This is for the hell of it
This is for me- I'm going to
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Tear your fucking eyes out
Rip your fucking flesh off
Beat you till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass
Fuck you and your progress
Watch me fucking regress
You were made to take the fall - now you're nothing
Now you're nothing
You ain't fucking shit

~Payback.

Yep, saying "fuck" literally 30 times in one song makes you sound really hardcore, doesn't it?

Also, Testament's The Burning Times has some really embarassing lyrics:

BACK IN TIME THE PUNISHMENT
WAS BORN ALL YOU WITCHES BURN
SOME MOTHERS BURNED, BURNED ALIVE
HEAR THE CHILDREN CRY...

CHILDREN CRYING...MOTHERS DYING...

SOME WOULD DIE THE INNOCENT
SOME WOULD DIE A WHORE
SOME SO SCARED THE CHILDREN FLED
CONFUSED BY THIS WORLD

WHY...THEY DON'T WANT TO
BURN...ALIVE...

CAUGHT IN THE BURNING TIMES
WHEN ALL THE WITCHES DIED
STILL HEAR THE CHILDREN CRYING
THE BURNING TIMES...

SOME SAY WHEN YOU FLOAT A WITCH
YOU SET FREE THEIR SOUL
I'VE ALWAYS SAID...BURN THE BITCH
MY SPOKEN WORDS OF OLD

WHY...THEY DON'T WANT TO
BURN...ALIVE...

CAUGHT IN THE BURNING TIMES
WHEN ALL THE WITCHES DIED
STILL HEAR THE CHILDREN CRYING
THE BURNING TIMES...

BACK IN TIME THE PUNISHMENT
WAS BORN ALL YOU WITCHES BURN
SOME PAID THE PRICE, OF THIER CRIMES
CAUGHT IN THE BURNING TIMES

WHY...THEY DON'T WANT TO
BURN...ALIVE...

Chuck Billy is generally a pretty good lyricist. So why do these lyrics look like they were written by a fifth grader flunking English?

Legacy Of The Night · **Posted:** Sat Oct 07, 2006 3:41 am

Six Feet Under.

When Skin Turns Blue wrote:

Your death, your blood, your life, you're dead
To the death- slit your neck- dark, dark demons haunt
The death- in death, demons haunt
The heart pumps then it stops
Flow through your life then you drop
Blood- the blood- in blood, dark demons haunt
The very blood that runs through you
It's time to die when your skin turns blue
Your skin turned blue you breathed your last breath
Rotten in the crypt is your next step
Friend with the maggots in your head
Bleed again and again- die you're dead
Feel it dripping- feel the drip, formaldehyde you're prepared for the crypt
But it's cold, in the grave, in my tomb
When skin turns blue you'll know your time is through
You're dead inside of you crawl back into the womb
God damn-you
God damn- my soul
God damn- you
God damn- all of you

Gosh damn that sucks.

hellraiser_xes · **Posted:** Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:14 pm

Well I've come across quite a number of embarassing ones but can't seem to recollect them. But I know Rhapsody has one of the worst. Helloween's 'Future World' really turned me off from Helloween.

Antonakis · **Posted:** Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:44 pm

This does not qualify as a real entry in this thread but you have to check it out nevertheless!!!

It's a little program called BattleCry - A Power Metal lyrics generator!

You can download it or you can try the java applet online here: http://www-public.tu-bs.de:8080/~y00196 ... pplet.html.

I think I know of several bands that might already have used that! :blink:

Lord Jotun · **Posted:** Wed Oct 11, 2006 12:16 pm

This one deserves mentioning:

about one minute into Hypocrisy's Left to Rot, there is this verse that sounds awfully like

"DIE FOR ME IN HELL
SO I CAN GET RID OF YOUR SMELL!!!!" :lol:

crast · **Joined:** Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:29 pm **Posts:** 1502

Lord Jotun wrote:

This one deserves mentioning:

about one minute into Hypocrisy's Left to Rot, there is this verse that sounds awfully like

"DIE FOR ME IN HELL
SO I CAN GET RID OF YOUR SMELL!!!!" :lol:

hehe, I like the line
"I must have been dead'
and when I woke up
they were all gone"

it sounds just like

"I masterbated
and when i woke up
they were all gone"

:D:D

.:crast:.

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