Metal Reviews

MTV.com reports: A beef between AVENGED SEVENFOLD and THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN is taking shape. According to DILLINGER's MySpace page, a feud had been festering for several months when AVENGED frontman M. Shadows turned up the heat during a recent interview, saying DILLINGER "make sh---y noises and try to pass it off as music." "What about bands that make sh---y noise and try to pass it off as GUNS N' ROSES?" a DILLINGER MySpace post read in response. "This guy and his merry band of musical clowns get more hilarious by the minute. M. Shadows' real name is Matt Sanders or some sh--." With that in mind, DILLINGER say they've decided to change their stage names in derision. "So, in his honor, our new names are officially as follows: G. Piranha, Blaster Master Weinman, Bullwhip Benoit, Corpsef---er Pennie [and] Leafeater Wilson. Those are going to be the names on our new CD — 100 percent serious."

Music can be an ugly thing kids. In this band’s case, it’s so vile and disgusting that it’s on par with animal rape, and finger-banging your Aunt Marcy’s poopshoot. In 2005 we saw the rise of a band that makes those same vile things seem… well, not so bad. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, we'd like to introduce to you, the Limp Bizkit of the screamo/metal-core/Warped Tour world… Avenged Sevenfold!!! In the 80's, if you liked “metal” you had to choose a side. You were either down with the heavy shit like Slayer and Metallica, or you inhaled dicks while wearing spandex and listening to Poison and Winger. These dudes are the Poison of 2005, but without all the record sales and arenas full of people. 110% cheeseball posers with choreographed rock moves, ridiculous “spooky” stage names, fake ass strippers (even though the dipshit jock pseudo-goth singer’s girlfriend is their tour manager. Yeah bro, that’s about as rock n’ roll as bringing your sister on tour you ass pro. How are your “bros” gonna fuck the 14-year-old Warped Tour cum-pits that you dudes inebriate and wrestle onto your bus with your coat-rack around? Haven’t you ever heard the expression “Don’t bring sand to the beach”?), smoke machines and poser lights at outdoor concerts, vintage cowboy/biker/truckstop clothes, and shitty makeup via the same cocksmoke manager that brought us Disturbed. Thanks but no thanks. Did we mention these dudes think “St. Anger” is a “killer” Metallica record, and that the bass player gets drunk and sucks off the guitarist, or are those just “tour secrets”? Ooops. Seriously, if you like this fucking band you should seek therapy and check out this thing called sexual activity. It rules.

2. A7X (gay acronym) write better songs.

And their guitarists might brain the a7x dude with their insane seizure-style dancing.

If I ever was to find a redeeming quality to Avenged Sevenfold, it would quickly be smothered by the fact that they have band members named: Zacky Vengeance, M. Shadows, and Johnny Christ.