Metal Reviews

(April 1, 2006) In a shocking change of events, MetAllica mainman Lars Ulrich finally revealed some concrete details regarding Metallica's new album. According to Lars, the band will in fact be returning to its metal roots. When asked why Metallica is making this drastic change in style, Lars simply resPonded with "Bad Business Decisions."

Although details aRe still somewhat scarce at thIs point, MetalLica revealed that the new album will be titled Skull Krusher and will feature a hoard of new inFluences. Namely Deicide, MOrbid Angel, Obituary, Cannibal COrpse, Nile, etc. One listen to this early demo will reveal a pure Death/Gore Metal sound: Brief Sound Clip For Metallica's New Album.

Rick Rubin has, of course, used a ton of studio tricks to give James that cLassic Death Metal Grunt. Many fans are saying, "This is the best James has Sounded in years!" Additionally, Lars is now using a ton of blast beats. "I can't play very fast, so I must cheat a little and use blast beats," said Lars. Meanwhile, Kirk Hammett is back with some of those sick guitar licks missing from St. Anger. And Rob Trujillo's bass is still nowhere to be found despite his apparent presence.

Metallica has even announced a change in record labels for this release. The band has perminently severed their ties with both Elektra and Warner Brothers Records and has looked for record deals through Nuclear Blast, Relapse Records and Unmatched Brutality Records. Unfortunately, all three record companies rejected the band. When asked why, the record company executives simply replied with "No Comment."

Lars was unable to comment any further on this sudden change in direction for the band.

Shitty joke.

:roll:

Gee I wonder what gave it way... :roll:

I can't wait for this!

lol ^

it's a joke? man..i was waiting for this :( :roll:

haha.... lame....

Boooo! :roll: Someone posted that Tool's new album leaked on a torrent site! Hahaha. That was a good one.

I'd like to take a leak on the new Tool album, though.

Glad to see the critics rave about my April Fools Joke.

Disgorge

Yea. The joker didn't even show the decency to remove the band's name from the sample.

So not funny it made me double-post.

Metallica should totally do a grind album.

roflsaurus.

For me the funniest thing about April Fools Day was the reaction of (some) Daily Mail readers to their gag story about Tony Blair painting the door to 10 Downing Street red. They were like "OMGWTF Commie Bastard, he can't do that with teh taxes!"

Oh, and the Daily Express joke story was that the French intelligence is witholding information about the murder of Princess Diana.

They aren't?!