=Tourney 3= Match 3, Round 1 - MetalNESS vs General Diomedes

NewFriendAncientEnemy · **Posted:** Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:30 pm

Thanks guys for accomidating me on this one!

And now, business:
Okay, here's how it will work. For the next 24 hours, MetalNESS and General Diomedes will have just that! Exactly 24 hours to post a poem/set of lyrics. The second both poems are posted, all people are free to vote. Please make your vote obvious, and be nice!

Voting will end exactly 48 hours from now.

1 poem
vs
1 poem

One vote per poster. Happy writing, all!

"Now" (in 8 hrs) on tap: MetalNESS vs General Diomedes!

Up next: Eyesore vs Wanksalot!

Ness · **Posted:** Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:09 pm

I couldn't find the original poem I was going to post, so I had to use this one.

For those of you who have heard SYL’s Alien, you may or may not know that the last track is called Info Dump. It’s just some strange noises and concludes the album. For some reason whenever I take a shit (crap, poop, dump) I think of that track. Anyway, this is what came to mind… poetically.

Quote:

“This morning I took an Info Dump”

This morning I took an Info Dump
I wish I knew what that means
My g/f asked “what’s that smell?
I replied “It must’ve been the beans!”

I love the relief a nice crap can bring
A feeling of such liberation
Unless of course you had Mexican food
Then you’re doomed for domination

An Info Dump must be a knowledgeable poop
How about a little reading?
Maybe consisting of a book or two
Let’s hope there isn’t any bleeding

A bloody poop would be the opposite of delight
I think I would be quite concerned
I would have a constant sense of fright
Ouch! That kind of burns!

So maybe the Info Dump is just that
A blistering burning sense of pain
Even a little blood here and there
Whoa, after this I might need a cane

But hey, its ok there’s nothing to fear
It’s just a bloody tampon I didn’t see before
Now it seems I am in the clear
I’m ready to wipe and head for the door

So what was the Info Dump?
I don’t feel knowledge playing a part
Oh crap I got up to quick!
I just had a wet fart.

So, double check to make sure you’re clear
Hey, there’s a little knowledge
Now that must be the Info Dump
Hmm, something I would never learn in college.

Anonymous · **Posted:** Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:26 pm

metalNESS. You should write that on a bathroom wall somewhere!

OK. Here's mine, some cheesy power metal lyrics no less (damn you, Radagast, since you planted the seed in my head I couldn't think of anything else!

)

Through the mud and the blood
And your shattered remains
Your will is nearly bent

Through the dirt and the grime
You slip on the the slime
And collapse as you are spent

Out here on the battlefield, no one cares at all.
Out here where the pieces play, you hear the Devil’s call

Across the sea of death and pain
A figure waxes as you wane
A thirsty sword draws near

You raise your head to see your last
And pray your end is coming fast
Your mind is gripped with fear

Out here on the battlefield, it’s do or die my friend
Out here where men are forged, the weak will meet their end

But anger rises from a place unknown
The die is cast, the seed is sown
Fate smiles and pulls your strings

You watch in wonder as the spell you’re under
Gives life to limb and tears asunder
The threat that darkness brings

Out here on the battlefield, fortune favours the strong
Out here where sons lie buried, your line will carry on

Misha · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:02 am

I vote for HT...

Edit: HT=Human Torch = General Diomedes.

Eyesore · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:16 am

Let me ponder...hrmm...NESS's was funny, instant satisfaction. GD's was interesting, well-written, but lacking instant satisfaction because they're lyrics that would be better suited with music.

Choices, choices...

Carnifex Umbris · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:52 am

General Diomedes.

Dead Machine · **Joined:** Sun Sep 19, 2004 6:24 pm **Posts:** 2527

Ness's sound like Devin's. Ness for the win.

Eyesore · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:52 am

NESS gets a nod, but the General gets the salute.

NewFriendAncientEnemy · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:55 am

Eyesore wrote:

NESS gets a nod, but the General gets the salute.

Who the hell are you voting for? :lol:

ganeshaRules · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:39 am

Well... General Diomedes.
Cheesy and typical, but well, still better in my opinion than the metalNESS one.

Eyesore · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:49 am

NewFriendAncientEnemy wrote:

Eyesore wrote:

NESS gets a nod, but the General gets the salute.

Who the hell are you voting for? :lol:

Isn't it obvious? :shock:

Salute > nod

crast · **Joined:** Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:29 pm **Posts:** 1502

Didn't find NESS's post funny, so..

GeneralDiomedes gets teh vote

.:crast:.

Arthur · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:13 am

General Diomedes. Reminded me of Trooper almost.

Kathaarian · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:06 pm

Both of them are nice, I think I'll vote for General Dio. (why's every decision so goddamn hard for me?)

Rhys · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:22 pm

General diomedes

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:58 pm

General D.

EisenFaust · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:22 pm

My vote goes to ze general... Not in the mood for poop-poetry today I guess..

Stefan · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:58 pm

Misha wrote:

I vote for HT...

Edit: HT=Human Torch = General Diomedes.

+1

NP
Emilie Simon "Végétal" (brand new album ! wOOt... it's the girl who did the music for the oscar winning "Penguins" documentary)

Metalhead_Bastard · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:15 pm

GD, I'm sorry but a song about crap appealed to me more.
Plus, this line ruined it for me because I laughed:

GD wrote:

Through the dirt and the grime
You slip on the the slime
And collapse as you are spent

It 'aint bad, it's just the rhyme with slime tickled my funny bone.
I vote NESS.
Good work, choos.

NewFriendAncientEnemy · **Posted:** Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:31 pm

NESS, yours was cute. BUT NOT CUTE ENOUGH!

Actually, I was hoping for some moral of the story punch line... but, instead of progressing the tale of the infodump, it felt kinda like this:

Today I took an info dump
OMG IT WAS ON MY MOM'S CHEST!

An Infodump you say? What is...
It really smells, and my g/f is licking it off
I can't control myself anymore
Considering suicide.

Perhaps an info dump is
Something
Oh, Right!
They don't teach you that in college.

Now, I don't have the skill to gently guide the reader through the poopoo world as swiftly as you, so you'll have to forgive me! But, it seemed like you were looking for cheap laughs, which is an option, OF COURSE, yet in some way you feigned a direction I never saw. A direction that kinda got my hopes up.

But, on the flip side, there was some seriously funny shit going on there. "Whoa, after this I might need a cane " Brilliant. This will be another hard decision.

General Diomedes took a path taken time and time again, but looking past the originality aspect, I must say not a single word in his poem was wasted, filler, or unnecessary. It was a 100% perfect poem in terms of length required to tell the story, and the words flowed beautifully. Each and every aspect of the poem had a purpose that was obvious to me, but serenaded.

So, we got someone who did something outrageous, and made us all giggle a little. And we also had a more standard power metal poem that was basically as strong as it could have been.

Well, I give NESS the provacative eye contact, but I slip General Diomede's the roofie.

I think it's clear who wins...

Vote: GD

Metal Reviews

=Tourney 3= Match 3, Round 1 - MetalNESS vs General Diomedes

Who is online