Norselaw - Sweet Home Scandinavia
Black Metal Rap
13 songs (44'57)
Release year: 2004
Reviewed by Ben
Crap of the month

NOTE: This cd was listened to exactly forty four minutes and fifty seven seconds for the sole purpose of reviewing and never again.

No constant reader, you didn’t read the genre wrong, this is black metal RAP. Norselaw are a group from Ohio that have actually dared to mix black metal with rap and what do you know? This is an auditory terrorist attack on my ears! Bet you didn’t see that one coming did you? How did this even end up in my hands you ask? Well, my friend spent the fourth of July weekend in Las Vegas and went on a massive shopping spree where unfortunately this was one of them. Now, the cover looks deceiving, one might think that this isn’t what it really is so he snagged it without checking them out first. Big mistake. At the mighty Sweet Home Scandinavia listening party at his house (me and him laughing uproariously at this) I told him that I had to review this, so here it is. The members have such great names as Valhalla Ice, Smoke, and other such stupid pseudonyms. If you take a look at their band pictures its hilarious, you have a bunch of guys standing around going “word” and then Wigger Tom sneering at me like he wants to “flow” with me or something. Musically, they apparently don’t have enough good ideas to write songs as they rip off the intros to Blind Guardian’s War of Wrath (although they credit Hammerfall for this), Queensryche’s I Don’t Believe in Love, and Luca Turilli’s To Magic Horizons. The rest of their sound is a mix of drum machines, weak guitar, and two rappers, one harsh and one clean, with lyrics ranging from the mightiness of the north, the fun times between Varg and Euronymous, and the power of being a true black metalhead (hahahha, this is hilarity to the fullest coming from them). I cannot stress how awful this really is. One song, Myths of Midgard is pure rap all the way. I’m betting the guy in the baseball hat and bling bling is the one that raps this one because this sounds exactly like a white guy trying to rap. Such awesome lyrical prose like “Don’t be mad cos I fucked yo bitch, I nutted in her mouth and cummed on her tits, she takes it in the ass like a porno star” come flying at you right from the get go and makes Eternal Combustion seem as complex and intricate as Dream Theater. If that’s not your cup of tea then c’mon guys, let’s get down with the Viking Rap. You know you wanna get crunked with this masterpiece.

Before everyone starts telling me this is a joke, I really don’t think it is. This is an expensive joke then and from what I heard this sounds serious. I have heard joke bands before like Nanowar that made me laugh with songs such as Poser but this, this is just mind numbingly bad. There is nothing remotely reedemable whatsoever on here. The only way I can reccomend this is if you have the absolute poorest taste in music or are a sucker for pain, because that's all that Sweet Home Scandinavia will bring you. I wish Varg would get out jail soon and pay a visit to Ohio…

Killing Songs :
I would rather go to Wal Mart in pink latex hot pants with a tube top and be seen purchasing condoms, Vaseline, a cucumber, and an issue of YM magazine than to ever list any of these songs as "killing."
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