Metal Reviews

Here's that other 50 Ways post I was telling you about.

And don't blame me if it isn't funny! :twisted:

1. Tell him Master Of Puppets is not the greatest heavy metal album of all time.

2. Point out how homosexual Lars Ulrich and Kirk Hammett looked in the Load booklet.

3. Make an anti-Metallica website.

4. If he's an old school fan, call Load and ReLoad "thrash metal albums."

5. Say that any album post-Black is your favorite Metallica record.

6. Go outside, bang on a trash can, and when he (the Metallica fan) asks what you're doing, tell him you're trying to drum like Lars Ulrich.

7. Listen to Load and say it sounds a lot like Dookie by Green Day (which it does IMO).

8. Have his local barber fired so that he can grow his hair longer.

9. Replace his Korn, Slipknot, and Mudvayne tapes with three "underground" metal records.

10. Tell him Iced Earth did NOT copy Metallica but copied Slayer instead.

11. Steel his twelve pack of Bud Lite.

12. Show him all the Metallica flash parodies on Newgrounds.com

13. Declare Unforgiven II better than the original Unforgiven (which it is IMO).

14. Tell him Metallica wrote Unforgiven II because they ran out of music ideas.

15. Accuse Metallica of being an evil band before the Black Album.

16. Introduce him to some metalheads that are over the age of 25.

17. Declare Master Of Puppets "overrated" or "garbage."

18. Write a negative review for that same album at Amazon.com.

19. Agree with Kerry King's statement about Kirk Hammett being "the most overrated guitarist in the world."

20. Remind him that Dave Mustaine is a better guitarist than Kirk Hammett.

21. Declare Megadeth a better band than Metallica.

22. Admit that Metallica going soft was not the only reason people disliked Load and ReLoad.

23. Listen to St. Anger and say it's not a thrash metal album, or that it sounds like Slipknot.

24. Draw a picture of James Hetfield holding a cane and limping.

25. Write to Metallica asking when they're going to retire.

26. Declare Orion and Call Of Ktulu "long and boring instrumentals."

27. Tell him your favorite Metallica song is Mama Said.

28. Or tell him you actually have a favorite Metallica song

29. Play him a Therion disk and compare it to S&M.

30. Buy him a new pair of jeans (i.e. one that has not been ripped or torn), and buy him any shirt other than a tee-shirt.

31. Refer to Metallica as "Selloutica" or "Fagtallica."

32. Play him Slayer's God Hates Us All and describe them as "A band that can still rock like it's 2999 after all these years!!!"

33. Give him a copy of We've Come For You All and compare it favorably to St. Anger.

34. Say that Metallica stole the Sad But True riff from Kid Rock's American Badass.

35. Call the Black Album Metallica's debut.

36. Play him a Bon Jovi record.

37. Dress him in Spandex.

38. Declare MTV better in the 80's (when they didn't play Metallica) than in the 90's/00's.

39. Show him that picture of the band members tongue kissing on the And Justice For All tour.

40. Remind him that Dave Mustaine wrote most of the leads on Kill'em All, then say that album had the best leads of any Metallica record.

41. Call 80's Metallica a rip-off of Diamond Head and Iron Maiden.

42. Ask him why the Four Horsemen riff sounds so much like the riff for Iron Maiden's Phantom Of The Opera.

43. Boo Metallica off the stage the next time they open or play with any band (or appear at the MTV Music Awards).

44. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippie who had already peaked musically.

45. Declare Lemmy Kilmister a better bassist than Burton.

46. Call Motorhead "boring and repetitive."

47. Introduce him to a female metal fan.

48. Laugh at the bands Metallica plays with during their Summer Sanitarium shows.

49. Listen to the bands Jason Newsted is playing in right now.

50. Declare to the whole world that "Metallica Sux ASS!!!"

thats awesome im a metallica fan and all that would piss me off ILMAO so funny thnak you for the awesome topic

Hmm... A few of my thoughts reflected there. I've always liked Megadeth & Slayer more than metallica. I also prefer Kerry King & Dave Mustaine over Kirk Hamett. And, i feel MOP is overrated. I do like that album though. I like Mama said, though i wouldn't classify it as one of my favs.

I am a big Metallica fan but more than half of those 50 wouldnt piss me off. I found it all to be quite funny actually. Nodays i expect people to trash Metallica, so i am used to it. If their next album is as bad as St. Anger and/or not as good as Reload (face it, they cannot produce their 80's material anymore, so i have to wish for something similar to Black album meets Reload), I'll be turning into one of those "haters" myself.

Ahhhh, there's always the memories of the 80's Metallica. And Puppets isnt their best album. It's ...And Justice For All

Very true!

Oh yes! Good to see some company here

Pffft, Ride the Lightning all the way.

Why do people still talk about Metallica, you'd think with the advent of the internet people would finally realize how insignificant this band is.

i'll talk about them for as long as i want...

insignificant? far far far from it...

why do you guys keep on answering HT's provocative words on Metallica ? the guy's crazy with UNDERGROUND metal therefore, anything that has reached more mainstreams audiences is shite to him... and Metallica being the more successful band of the 90's is also the shittiest to him...

do as I do TOS, take his advice on old underground acts and ignore anything else he says...

Yeah yeah, i know. Couldnt help myself, plus i am trying to get to 400 posts today

Ok

glad I could help you post-count bitch...

METALLICA RULES!! Except St. Anger!

Woohoo! 400 posts 8)

No i just need to catch up with Metal NESS

NEVER!!! Actually Eyesore surpassed me and Zad will always hold the highest post count.


Yet another Metallica thread gone off topic.

Count me in on this too. Blackened Is The End!

Me too!

Seems that album has a lot of unexpected support...

Metallica were very overrated, and went downhill FAST after Cliff died :( apparently James Hetfield swapped beds with cliff on that fateful bus ride.

Evil comment deleted by moderator. Behave yourself, Zad.

I wish James or Lars had died instead of Cliff, thats a terrible thing to say I know....come to think of it I'd take James over Lars anyday. So I wish Lars had died instead, he is a worthless piece of shit, if he had some talent maybe I wouldnt hate him so much....maybe if Metallica had some talent...I wouldnt hate them soo much.

Maybe if they all shot themselves Kurt Cobain-style after their first album, everyone would love them. I wish they would have...