Metal Reviews

For a second, I thought the guy doing the goal picture had some seriously deformed hands.

I can't tell what the first one is supposed to be. Besides that, very cool.

parrots.

That's what I thought, but I still can't see it very well. Whatever.

http://www.timecube.com/

Comedy genius or serious stupidity?

Top right...

extreme LOL

Chris Morris-worthy.

I found that ridiculously funny for some reason. Haha.

sloths have such a chilled out look, man. fucking

i remember reading that a Sloth's land speed is liek 1.6 km/h, and that if you rated an animal's sense on a scale of 1-10 (eg 10 being an eagle's vision), they would get all 1s and 2s except in smell, which they'd get a 4. so badass.

it's a wonder they haven't been eliminated by natural selection

what about pandas? what a useless animal. i mean they're sickeningly cute, but wtf, THEY NEED HELP TO HAVE SEX TO, YOU KNOW, CONTINUE THEIR SPECIES?! bah.

i dunno it seems like they survive because they camoflage well

pandas are used to having huge areas of bamboo as their feeding ground so they don't reproduce in captivity

- How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, if the lightbulb is within easy reach. If it is quite high up, and a stepladder is needed, they might consider asking a second person to steady the foot of the ladder for safety reasons.

- Two indians walk into a bar.
One says, 'Hello, I'd like a couple of beers for me and my friend.'
The barman says, 'Certainly sir,' and plops the two beers down on the bartop.
The two men drink their beers and enjoy the ambiance of the bar.

- An african american, a mexican and an asian sit down at a restaurant.
The asian asks the mexican what he'll have to eat.
The mexican replies, "Possibly just a steak".
The men enjoy their meal.

- An african american is walking in the forest when he comes across a white guy carrying a watermelon.
The white guy takes one look at him, stops, and says, 'It's pretty hot today, would you like some watermelon?'
The african american replies, 'Thanks, but I'm in somewhat of a hurry.' and continues on his way.

- Two african americans are driving down the road looking for somewhere to eat.
One turns to the other and says, "Hey, there's a KFC. Are you in the mood for chicken?"
The other african american replies, "Not really. How about Taco Bell?"
The first african american replies, "Sure!"
The two men pull into Taco Bell and enjoyed their respective meals.

- How do you stop a christian from drowning?
Throw out a lifering if there's one nearby, failing that, jump in and swim out to the aforementioned individual.

- A jewish man is in a bank when suddenly a masked man with a gun enters.
The masked man screams "GET DOWN".
The jewish man, seeing the gun, gets down on the floor with the other customers.
The bank is robbed.

- In the midst of the Vietnam war, a reconnaissance team spans out through the jungle.
The entire team is made up of african americans.
Just then, a large explosion is heard nearby.
The team return to HQ and report their findings.

- What's the best way to treat an american with a headache?
Make sure he hasn't sustained a blow to the head, which might indicate possible serious head trauma (in which case PET or CAT scans might be in order), then offer an analgesic and make sure he stays hydrated - often headaches are caused by low-level dehydration.

- A white man and a black man are walking down the street when suddenly the white man steps on the black man's shoe.
The white man apologizes.
The other man turns to him, smiles, and walks away.

- A black man and his girlfriend are enjoying a night out.
All of a sudden, he bumps into the shoulder of a white man, causing him to drop his drink.
The white man looks at his drink on the floor, looks to the black man and shouts "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?".
The black man replies, "I'm fine, sorry about your drink. Let me buy you another."

- Two black men are walking down the street when a white girl walks by.
The men continue walking.

hahaha. Where do you find this shit, dude?

An Asian woman is driving home on a winding highway. To make matters worse, it's raining pretty badly. She takes her time, shows caution, and arrives home safely.

A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar. They sit down, have a drink, and amicably swap stories.

A Catholic priest is walking down the street when a young boy drops some money and doesn't notice. The priest picks it up, catches the boy's attention, and gives the money back.
"Thanks," the boy says.
"No problem," the priest says, "Take care."

A black man and a white man suddenly crash their cars at a busy intersection. After the white man calms down and sees that he seems to have sustained no injury, her steps out. The black man says, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," the white man replies.


This isn't quite in the same vein as the other jokes, but it's still gold:

A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a bar. The priest says, "I believe that Jesus Christ is our savior, and he died to absolve our sins. I'll have a white russian." Then the rabbi says, "I believe that our savior has yet to walk the earth and that God's word is our greatest form of guidance. I'll have a martini." The whale says,
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUA"

hahahaha, i had to go hide in the back room because i started laughing at work and there were customers here

Aaah! Jokes for the new forum rules already ? Now, those are so appropriate!!

Goddamn fucking tropical storm isn't moving.

GO AWAY