Jokes

Radagast · **Posted:** Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:14 pm

Eternal Idol wrote:

Mintrude wrote:

Eternal Idol wrote:

Eithier laugh at everything, or laugh at nothing at all. Trying to put rules and boundaries on humour is a big load of bullshit. As long as something's funny, who gives a fuck if some crybaby with an agenda gets offended.

Even if it's a comedian like Jim Davidson, where the racist diatribe comes before the comedy?

That's not comedy. There's a difference between poking fun with a joke, and Micheal Richards screaming the N word.

A woman who's had a miscarriage would be offended by the dead baby jokes, but that doesn't mean they should not be told.

I'm as liberal as they come, but I can't stand this idea that people should be protected from being "offended." Being offended is like pornograpohy, it can't be defined.

Brahm_K wrote:

Mintrude wrote:

Fair enough. I think in the case of the dead baby jokes, they're deliberately supposed to be as puerile and as offensive as possible. Therefore they're not offensive!

So are racist jokes, as it were.

And I completely agree with EI on this one. We live in too much of a victim culture- everybody is prepared to get offended at one thing or another, until everything but the most banal statements are allowed. "Don't use the word "barbarian" when talking about Germanic tribes- its offensive, call them "less technological people in comparison to the Romans with long hair who don't take baths". "Don't ever call anything in an anthropology report "primitive"- after all, clubs kind of require the same level of technological advancement as guns!" "Don't make jokes that could offend anyone- whether they're racist, sexist, or poke fun at things like teen pregnancy" (as I have heard people saying as they criticize Juno). Offense at this, offense at that, blaggity blaggity blah. It reached a ridiculous height when my professor of Roman history, when talking about Alexander the Great, was afraid to answer a question about whether or not he was Greek because he's had previous students raise a big uproar based on his answer. Silliness.

I won't post racist jokes if they really offend people that much. But I think, as someone who has experienced racism and knows what a horrible thing it is, that that only makes it all the more important to joke about. I also think that the posters on this board are intelligent enough to realize that the racist stereotypes embedded in most of these jokes are just that- stereotypes, and also that racist jokes can approach intelligence- as Monty Python's Life of Brian and South Park show. Hell, how is Monty Python's lampooning of Catholicism "Every Sperm is Sacred" and Anglicism in the conversation following the song (in The Meaning of Life movie, for all you uncultured sods out there) any worse than your average jew joke?

Guys...

Couldn't agree more. I tell racist jokes and dead baby jokes - and I tell them because they're so ridiculously offensive, not because I actually believe all black people steal TVs. I'd never tell a Jew joke to a rabbi...unless I was friends with this rabbi and it turned out he had a similar frame of mind to me.

Astaroth · **Posted:** Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:30 pm

exactly! I'm glad i'm not the only one feeling that way about it.

Goat · **Posted:** Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:07 am

I suppose I'm somewhat guilty of overreacting to anti-jew stuff here, and I was going to post something about the dead baby jokes, but I'm in dire danger of slipping into my old assholic self, I see. I still think that it's the people who have little experience of racism that make the racist jokes, with obvious exceptions like our Brahm there, but meh, if I'm outvoted, I'm outvoted.

Mintrude · **Posted:** Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:33 am

I personally think sometimes you have to let things slide. I personally don't agree with how casually anti-gay slurs are used here (if you look at the etmyology of "fag" it's probably one of the worst things you can say to a human being). But most people are fine with it, so I'm not going to kick up a fuss about it.

Goat · **Posted:** Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:39 am

Mintrude wrote:

I personally think sometimes you have to let things slide. I personally don't agree with how casually anti-gay slurs are used here (if you look at the etmyology of "fag" it's probably one of the worst things you can say to a human being). But most people are fine with it, so I'm not going to kick up a fuss about it.

I used to rant about that too, but I'm slowly giving up the idea of reforming the bunch of (sweet, adoreable) twats. Doubtless we'll be calling people 'gay niggers' and chuckling like a redneck watching Larry the Cable Guy in a matter of weeks.

Legacy Of The Night · **Posted:** Sun Jan 20, 2008 6:17 pm

Zad wrote:

Mintrude wrote:

I personally think sometimes you have to let things slide. I personally don't agree with how casually anti-gay slurs are used here (if you look at the etmyology of "fag" it's probably one of the worst things you can say to a human being). But most people are fine with it, so I'm not going to kick up a fuss about it.

I used to rant about that too, but I'm slowly giving up the idea of reforming the bunch of (sweet, adoreable) twats. Doubtless we'll be calling people 'gay niggers' and chuckling like a redneck watching Larry the Cable Guy in a matter of weeks.

Larry the Cable Guy is the worst example of a human being that I care to think about.

Astaroth · **Posted:** Wed Jan 23, 2008 9:59 pm

so like, Heath Ledger went walsing into a crowded bar, right - he went up to the bar and ordered a sodapop. As he started to drink his sodapop all the cowboys turned their head around to catch a glimpse of him, one after another. " What is he doing?!" one tough guy asked as if he had never witnessed anything like it before. " Yeah! Why is he drinking a sodapop in a bar?!?" another said. Finally a big guy got up from his chair and walked towards him. " Me and my boys were wondering, haw haw... you must be some kind of gay cowboy, right? What kind of cowboy drinks sodapop?! ha ha harrrr!"
" Leave the kid alone!" the negro bartender of some sort said. " I can speak for myself!" Heath said, " ...And I am a gay cowboy!! And i'm not ashamed of it!!". " Y.. ou! what?!" the negro bartender of some sort said. " I'm gay too, you know - why don't we go upstairs and have some good ol' fun?". " Good idea!" Heath replied, " I'll bring my mighty lance along!"
So like, they went up the stairs and into the room. They started to undress each other, Heath really got turned on by the Negro bartender of some sort's body. It was all muscular, and small pearls of sweet was running down his chest. His arms were big and strong, yet soft and tender. He was a real man in Heath's eyes. As Heath bowed down to kiss the Negro bartender of some sort's member he found yet a surprise. His member was was big and hard. " Best penis EVAR!" Heath screamed with delight. " Yeah, but just you wait till you see what I have been doing!"
Soon Heath found out that the Negro bartender of some sort had been training his PC muscle, he was able to keep his member erect for hours even after the 20th orgams. In order to keep up with the Negro bartender of some sort Heath took some viagra, but it didn't matter. Just the two of them. That is was truely mattered.
After first act, they took a break - Heath was truely exhausted. They just laid on the bed, holding each other in their arms. Hugged and snuggled, giggled and talked. Heath had big plans, he wanted to move together with the Negro bartender of some sort into his little cabin up in the mountains. The Negro bartender of some sort loved the idea - heck he even proposed to Heath that night. Never before had they been so happy.
" Promise you'll never leave me!" the Negro bartender of some sort said. " I will! You are the best thing that has happened to me!" Heath replied while shedding a little tear. Not a tear of sorrow or pain, but a tear of supreme happiness. Neither had ever felt so loved before. Not the usual love, but a deep spiritual love only two ppl who are really meant to be together can experience.
Unfortunately, Heath couldn't keep his promise, cuz the Negro bartender of some sort had malaria, meningitis, tuberculosis, and also Aids because he was black. Heath caught all the diseases and died over night. Next morning he was found alone in a pile of viagra. Nobody knows what happened to the Negro bartender of some sort, but some say you can hear him crying at night in the mountains - home of gay cowboys.

The end :sad:

May Heath Ledger rot in peace.

Dago · **Posted:** Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:23 pm

Goat · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 1:51 am

It's not even funny, Kim. Just childish, like a kid in a playground screaming 'COCK!' at a group of his friends.

Astaroth · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:06 am

yeah... my worst so far

I didn't even think it was that funny myself... it was just a tasteless way to tell ppl that Heath Ledger ( probably best known from his role in Brokeback Mountain as a gay cowboy) was found naked and dead in a pile of pills.

DevotedWalnut · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:21 am

It may be childish, it may be too soon. But I liked it.

And that's all that matters.

Astaroth · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:24 am

uh! thanks

It was inspired by Mr. Garrisons extremely gay erotic novels, ha ha. I was hoping to get the "are you sure you're not gay yourself?" response

DevotedWalnut · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:53 am

Astaroth wrote:

uh! thanks

It was inspired by Mr. Garrisons extremely gay erotic novels, ha ha. I was hoping to get the "are you sure you're not gay yourself?" response

Only a straight person could come up with that. Plus you are too metal to be gay, I just wont have it.

showmaster · **Posted:** Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:03 pm

ok, here's one I've heard today....
Little girl sitting in grandfather's lap. Grandfather asks her:"what do you get when you jerkoff a horse?" Horses sperm! she replies. Very nice grandfather says and asks again: "What do you get when you jerkoff a dog?" A dogs sperm she replies. very nice garndfather says and asks again: "what do you get if you jerkoff to your garndfather?"
"grandfathers sperm!" "And a chocolate!" grandfather replies

rio · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2008 1:52 am

No more racist jokes please.

Eternal Idol wrote:

That's not comedy. There's a difference between poking fun with a joke, and Micheal Richards screaming the N word.

A woman who's had a miscarriage would be offended by the dead baby jokes, but that doesn't mean they should not be told.

I'm as liberal as they come, but I can't stand this idea that people should be protected from being "offended." Being offended is like pornograpohy, it can't be defined.

This is not a question of protecting people from anything, it is a question of respecting the wishes of people who have asked you politely not to do something. If a woman who'd just had a miscarriage was actually in this thread, I'd expect you to have the basic decency to be circumspect about telling dead baby jokes, especially if she'd told you she was offended by them. Similarly, if there was a jew in the thread that said he didn't want to hear jew jokes, you would expect people to tone down the jew jokes out of simple politeness.

Oh wait, the latter has already happened in this very thread, and Zad was greeted with dismissiveness and ridicule. And, shock horror, labelled as a "PC asshole".

So, no more racist jokes please everyone.

Faffel · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:28 pm

*d'oh*

Edit: Haha, wow. I put all this effort into this post and THEN read the post above me.

Astaroth · **Posted:** Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:21 pm

okay okay... here we go again, causing yet another round of havoc and anger!

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?

- because they keep falling through his hands! lol lol omgxroflemao!

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks:
- "Can you put me up for the night?" lol lol omgxrolfemao!

What's the difference between Jesus and Muhammed?

- Jesus wants to kill naughty children, Muhammed wants to fuck them! lol lol omgxrolfemao!
combined we would have a rather necro prophet! :dio:

Pasqua · **Posted:** Fri Feb 15, 2008 8:47 pm

Joe had to go to the dentist that afternoon, but then his girlfriend wanted a quick oral pleasure before he left. So they spent one hour doing a 69, and after that Joe thought "I'd better do something about this pussy breath if I'm going to the dentist".

So he brushes his teeth for about 20 minutes as hard as he can, using extra-strong toothpaste, then he drinks 4 Listerine bottles, and after that he flosses for about half an hour and finally he takes 20 extra-strong mints in his mouth at the same time.

And then Joe goes to the dentist.

First thing after lying down in the dentist's chair, the dentist goes "Jesus Fuckin Christ Joe, did you have a fucking sixty-nine before coming here??"

And Joe went "Eh? Does my breath STILL smells?"

And the dentist goes "No, your breath smells great, but your FOREHEAD smells like a fuckin ASSHOLE!!

Pasqua · **Posted:** Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:27 pm

Argentine jokes from a Brazilian dude!

So there were a brazilian guy, an argentine guy, a very hot girl and an old woman standing near each other in a somewhat crowded subway car.

Suddenly, the light goes out and the car stops. After a few seconds, people hear a kissing noise then a LOUD slap noise, and finally a "thump", as if someone fell to the ground.

Lights come up again and there's the argentina lying on the floor, with his right cheek all red, looking confused.

So the elderly woman thought "Poor guy. He kissed the nice girl and she didn't like it at all...."

The hot girl thought "That's funny, he must have tried to kiss me, missed and kissed the old lady ... and she didn't like it one bit!"

The argentine thought "Motherfuckin Brazilian ... HE was the one kissing the girl and I'm the one who gets slapped in the face!"

And finally the brazilian thought "Man, today is the best day ever. I kissed the palm of my hand and then gave the argentine the greatest slap in the face, and got away with it!"

stuartn15ted · **Posted:** Sat Feb 16, 2008 11:30 am

Whats the worst thing about being an egg?

You only get laid once and its by your mum

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