Metal Reviews

Trollin' through a forum whilst on his way
Zad saw a rap thread and thought, "well hey!
MR mofos would love that play!"
('Specially since the poetry comp. was shit
For that none of y'all forgiven even one little bit)
So here be forum disrespect from he who called Day.
Shouts out, shots out, with bullets for a few
The virus spreads, it'll infect you too
So if you think you can beat these liddle ol' lines
Have a go, shithead, there ain't no damn entrance fines...

~

He come from da US, that a land far away
Spend so much time with men we wonder if he gay
Man dress like a freak, love Kittie - KEN!
Damn fool got an ego like fuckin' Big Ben!
Will attack ninja-style you insultin' him
He shriek, sling shit - "NO IT AIN'T NU METAL!
GET THE HELL GONE BITCH 'FORE I FEED YOU NETTLES!"
So if you see that wannabe/poser approach-
(Fool pushin' 40 yet still he gloat
Arguin' on a forum all day - don't work!
Ah, shit, whatever float his boat
Nothin' stop him being a goddamn jerk!)
Run like the wind, bro, and just say NO
The drugs he pushin' be more than jus' shitty bands
And you sistahs out there beware his sticky hands
SHIT! Afro Lint got a long way to go
Befo' he get his paws on another greasy ho.

~

A word for the Frenchman, the Immortal geek
He say he gone, yet you just wait a week
That Zorn-laden creep be back again
Pushin' that Jazz shit like hero-in
He say he like you, he say he like me
He say he love jus' goddam EVERYBODY
Yet take a closer look, peep around the curtain
Goddamn frog's too busy trying a different shirt on
Yeah, T.I.E can sometimes be cool
Exceptin' when he administerin' drool
To A7X, the American faggots
Bent over each other playin' wid carrots
Dude, that turn you on? What the hell?!
Just keep that shit away from my cell
When I in there, put away for the crime
Of stuffin' yo French face full of Blackened grime
Hating on the corpsepaint jus' ain't cool
When you listenin' to shit made for those still in school.
SHIT! Did I forget to mention
Motherfuckin' Stefan's a goddamn Frenchman?

~

His name be Brahm, after that come a K
He love ancient Romans, Thrash and the way
That a zillion obscure authors write
(GOD DAMN!)
While you be in bed asleep at night
Brahm_K rock the joint with Saint Augustine
Some say it wrong, some say "it disgustin'!"
Some ignore it altogether or think it interestin'
Some uptight mofos even call it a sin
Whatever you think, wherever you work
Brahm_K got it tighter than a nungirl's skirt.

~

Cara! Cara! Cara Cara cootchy coo
Girl take pictures o'herself for me and for you
She looks real cute, hell she downright pretty
And you just wanna tickle her an itty bitty...
DAMN! Watch out son, that girl jailbait
Hittin' that'll earn you nothin but hate
Even if she flirtin' wid two boys from Canada
One like to dress just like he Mike Shinoda
The other, well, his skin look green
Like he took a bite outta somethin' unclean
I say hell, sistah, get outta there!
At least 'til that fool change he underwear.
The rest of us, we all gotta wait
Until she goes from little to great
And passes that magic 'one-eight' line
Hell, then some lucky fool do jus' fine.

~

He say he call "Noodles", he say his name "Jeff"
He say like he know what he talkin' of when
On the forum, in Avant-Garde you see
Some goddamn thread 'bout Between The Buried And Me.
He make up shit about random stuff
He act like he ain't never touched no muff
He listen to Stoner, he listen to Doom
His girlfriend complain that he come too soon
Fool even think that Gojira ain't Thrash!
Boy, grow that comeover to hide your facial rash!
Emo bitches got beaten on by wiggers
HAHA! now rap give you the shivers!
Lesson learned, kid, now get back to school
You been served a beatdown for being uncool.

~

Three beers for the Review Team, the P.I.M.P's in town
Always got a smile on, dese V.I.P's never frown
When you feeble motherfuckers start wid that hatin'
Mike come in - OH, SHIT! - he badass like Satan!
You see, what the lesson be that y'all bitches aint learned
That fuckin with us only get yo faces burned.
NO FUCKIN WAY we reviewin' Burzum
Do doo dah, doo doo dah, duh-dum!
Yo forumites, forum-shites more like
Go on and take a motherfuckin' hike
That 'Donate' button ain't been pressed once
And we be forced to eat sawdust for lunch.
If'n y'all want somethin' to whine about
We'll drop a nuke and start a motherfuckin' drought
So go on, sing that song, that shit so wacky
Y'all be pumped full of lead like an Iraqi.

~

Of course, same damn thing's gotta be said
'Less you think Zad gettin' soft in the head
Any of you fools get offended by this
Come on in and write your own diss
Don't start complainin' yo rights bein' severed
To the fountain of Metal y'all coaches be tethered
Drink deep, kick back, start partyin' with a smile
And come on and do some dissin' for a while...

Remember that rap album Ken said he'd do one day? I'd love him to do it.

cool, nice one I bet it took you 20 sec. to do that

haha damn! your a creative nut.. I almost expected you to mention my eyes=(

Couldn't put me in there, could you Zad? Hurumph.

I ain't pushing 40, you bitch! Everything else was dead on, though.

Har har. Good one, Zad

That one takes the cake.

Yo hand me the mic, I ain't finished yet
This be a damn battle, so place yo bets
White women, white women, they be mad trouble
Makin' out wid them be like gettin' buried in rubble
One girl 'specially come to mind
Shit, I constantly dreamin' about her behind
Who dis bitch that Zad be describin'?
Or is it they drugs that he imbibin'...
SHIT NO, FOOL! I'm as sober as the day I born
And for that I be thankin' Jesus Christ and Korn
(But anyways, enough o'that shit
I got myself off-topic a l'il bit)
This girl so white, so blindin'ly honky
She ain't be lookin' at no damn monkey
Bitch dress in black, wiggle as she walk
Yet listenin' to the way dat she talk
You thinkin' "girl be blacker than I am!
Shit, bitch could be queen of Siam!"
HELL NO, brother, you got it all wrong!
So let me explain it in my liddle song...

Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
She don't live in LA (no wayyyyyayyyayyyayy)
No, she don't live in LA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)

I first met her, strollin' down the street
Listenin' to the patterns of my own two feet
When I hear this racist bool-shit
And it piss me off just a l'il bit
So I turn around, see what causin' the fuss
I was so stunned I nearly hit by a bus
A blonde standin' there, dressed to the nine
I drooled a goddamn puddle she was so fine
But what the hell? What a fuckin' pity
Girl treated brothers so damn shitty
She can't walk around at night without a light
And in the day a Glock found its way
To her purse, to give her protection
From the dangers of a brother's erection
She slowly turn and look at me
Fear in her eyes, plain to see
She start to reach towards her gun
CLICK-CLICK! Shit, I began to run!

Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
Bang bang yay yay (No wayyyyyayyyayyyayy)
Bullets flyin' away (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)

Weeell after that I went home, found me my A-Ks
Time for that white bitch to feel the same way
She shit damn humiliated me
But I took her picture for free!
That motherfucker going to feel the pain
When I stick my ten-inch message in her brain
I see she name herself DEA
Well, I gonna call her KKK!
Her body fine, but her mind so bland
Crazy bitch even read fuckin' Ayn Rand!
So anyways, I loaded my guns
Bought some spare ammo and began to run
Back to that place, my intentions plain-
It only goes and starts to fuckin' rain!
I hid myself anyway, jus' in case
Brothers, I was livin' in outer space
White girls like that they stay home and dry
Outside gettin' wet are dumb fuckers like I

Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
She in the KKK (no wayyyyyayyyayyyayy)
Punk, make my day (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)

I stayed there for at least three hour
All the time my mood was gettin' sourer
Eventually, I shoulder my rifles
Start the long walk back to my disciples
(My body out of whack, you see
That why I ain't rhymin' perfectly)
But wait! Damn! Shit! What the fuck?
Fifty-odd Klansmen just climbed out a truck!
Their leader, a huge tall man
Steps forward an' waves his hand
For the crime of upsetting the Grand Wizard's daughter
There was about to be a motherfuckin' slaughter!
But I chucklin' to myself secretly, behind a frown
Dumb racists bought they sharpened switchblades to town!
I spotted my honey, behind a tree
She was peekin' out so cautiously
I knew then and there, to win that girl
That curvacious blonde, that damn hot pearl
I would have to take off the dainty liddle gloves
So I reached up, unsafety-ed my Kalashnikovs

Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
Her name DEA (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)
They wanna murder me today (no wayyyyyayyyayyyayy)
Better start to pray (Dee Eee Eyyyyyayyayyyayyy)

I took aim, fired, and do I need to explain
The righteous way I bought forth the fuckin' pain?
These fascist fools with all they boys-
I brough they the motherfuckin' noise!
After a while the air cleared, all quiet
Corpses stacked like at a Limp Bizkit riot
I spotted her, comin' over to me
Hot damn, she was a sight to see
I wiped her tears, kissed them away
She was shellshocked, had nothing to say
We broke into a car, drove off down the road
Took the slow way back to my place of abode
What happened then, a gentleman never tells
But three weeks later, they ringin' they bells
As Gangsta Z (that me!) and white girl settle down
In some liddle ol' whitebread midwestern town
Yeah, my girl still carry a glock
And she workin' now for Northern Rock
Me and my boys in (BIGUP! RESPECT!) Suffocation
Still laugh about how I took on the Aryan Nation
And yeah, whilst my kids may be mulatto
At least they knowin' they mom ain't that ho
Walkin' down the street, afraid of the dark
Cutting through traffic like the damn Cutty Sark
No uptight bitch wid her nose in the air
Wavin' her hands like she jus' don't care
DEA mine now, we the nuclear family
Workin' all day, chillin' it nightly
(Rockin' out to my man Glenn Benton and Deicide
Damn, that boy know how to take you for a ride)
We about damn happy
As it possible to be

So ask yo'self brother, do you feel real bad
Each time you see a white girl goin' mad?
If so, take a page from my book
SHIT NO! put away that meathook
If'n she got a pa in the damn KKK
Be sure to blow that fuck away
But to her, you gotta be real nice
On tiptoes jus' like ice, Baby, ice
If'n you treat that girl jus' right
You be gettin' some white meat tonight!
So go on, put my perceptions in motion
Get out there and cause a commotion
Like Kylie said, do the locomotion
Spread thick on yo head the badass lotion
And the girl drop her racist ideas
All her worries, her strange fears
When you present to her the situation
Black, white, Jew, Eskimo - one nation
We allllllll should intermarry
And together our burdens carry
You see, baby Jesus hates the hater
He be havin' a word wid they later!
So take my advice, don't fuck wid Christ
Black men startin' up a worldwide love heist

Holy hell, that's awesome! Too much brain activity, eh? =D

Ahahahahahahaha.

Hah ha genius! you should produce a concept rap record about all the forumites. I think my impending baldness and my Welshness makes me ample fodder.

Jus' when you thought he was done, he back
Bigger, blacker, better, with another attack
This time the shit flyin' straight and true
All the n00bies, this one for you.

I remember jus' how it used to be
Back when MR was tight like family
All the brothers on the forum, one and chillin'
Each whacked-out new topic got top damn billin'

But now, a sickness crept into the show
Like AIDS in Africa, times full o'woe
All the old damn homeyz be gone, vanished
Even motherfuckin' KGG got banished.

'Stead of WinterIsComing, we got Octo
Talkin' shit about shit all over the show
Man, that motherfucker gotta go
Else Afro Lint's head gonna blow.

We used to have a cool chick - Carnie, where you at?
Slummin' it out in Massachussetts, whorin' to the Frat?
She was one of the crew, she a real swell chick
Got young bitches runnin' round now, givin' us stick

I go in Now Readin' - HELL NO - ain't goin' back!
Motherfuckers discussin' Plato - boy, that whack!
Brahm_K and they intellectual motherfuckers reign
Statin' they mission to give the rest of us pain.

Remember Misha? He buff like a gay strippah
Enrichin' our minds with dat electronikkah
Now he off chasin' they Dutch girls
Lost his mind to some ho wid curls

Frigid little bitch, not yet an old gunner
Talks about he screwin' some hawt young stunner
"Check it out, dese scratches on my back"
Motherfucker, you didn't get dem from the sack!

Big up for Mintrude, ageing day by day
The shit goin' down was turnin' him grey
Now - SHIT! - he done start losin' he hair
I dunno what to say to dat terrible stare
His whole world goin' slowly brittle an' stiff
Guess that's God's way o' fuckin' over Cardiff

What's the answer? What can we do?
MR sure got the fuckin' flu
I propose a war, call Jihad (ooh shit) on all o'they
That wanna fuck wid the old-skool MR way

So next time dat Octo call Ken out
Don't jus' stand there, start to shout
Bring that fuck to his knees in pain
And each one of us will indir'ctly gain

Dese words be honest, dese raps be true
Rhymes like shotguns, blastin' all of you
It's not that we don't 'preciate fresh meat
But we prefer n00bies wid clean-smellin' feet

So it time for the call: kick out the shit
An' bring back they who can rock it a bit
We gonna start a revolution, baby
And we get it back the way it was, jus' maybe

Be dis Gangsta Z's last rap?
I know y'all bitches think it all crap
So unless I gettin' serious props for this
I gonna retire, and y'all can moan and hiss
Z got bigger fish to fry than those that try and be
Too fuckin' metal for they own good - get out ma hood!
We all comin' after the riff-raff, piss-ant mofos
Wid a litre of petrol and some slow-mo
Kickass moves, to own your collective ass
Settin' you on fire like the purest grass

'Til then, Z got motherfuckin' reviews to write out
Even though this rap took five minutes to shout
So fuck y'all - dis rap game be gone
Jus' like Eminem and Jay-Z, I shone,
Now I retired.
But need yo album review'd? I hired!

One last plea - Carnie, Misha, Dead Machine and Daniel
You da four pimp-ass cookies I wanna spank like a spaniel
So if'n yo get yo asses back in they chairs
MR come back like an army o'bears.

You're like an internet hate machine.

i guess me not being included in the last one there, means that i'm a nice fella!:D

i think yr raps r kvte

I don't often use emoticons, they being homosexuals, but:



This stuff is hilarious. Keep them coming, you way too much time possessing motherfucker (to use street slang, like they use on the streets).

I'd also like to add that I only make sweet love to St. Augustine because he has a tight ass.