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 Post subject: Round 3, Lyrics tournament Aaron VS Misha
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:23 pm 
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I think it's about god damn time we pick this up again! It's still not finished! Aaron, to you the honour of posting your lyrics when ready!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:52 pm 
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I AM THEM

And the sunsets gleamed of rusting iron,
Of long passed days and midnight rays.
Tungsten coated warriors
enwrapped in blue flame.
Flames of a memory.

For tables were now set with steel,
redolent of spice, pumpkin and rice
this green wood is hateful
to the hordes of peaceful men.
Who do not exist.

If they arrive here, they
will die.
And that will keep them from compromising
The safety.

Safety is not an issue, it is a concern
and I take care of that,
in it’s uselessness it spirals
into usefulness.

Through its nonsense
There arrives only sense.
Generated storms of night-mare potency
in (and of) this issue
but I am not concerned with that,
because it is not my concern.

Inmates dig holes with overused toothpicks
they complain, they are insane,
from thinking in rhyming verse.

Their complaints concern me not,
it is not
my concern.

I deal in people,
as some would deal
in money.

It matters not,
for they
are
the same.

Perhaps a bit weightier,
but when dragged and crushed
down,
they are the same.

Your complaints are not
my concern.

Conduits.
That’s what I call them
I am they.
The dreaming are the remembered ones.

Weaklings.
That’s what I call them.
I am one.
I am the ruling one.

Facilities are mocking,
In this slaveship
Upon these decks they labor.
And labor.

Endeavors are pointless,
In this slaveship.
Beneath the decks, I see vermin.
Abovedecks, scum.

There won’t be another day
To sing, and laugh, and see away
All these heroes that have gone.

Best to do it while they exist,
So that they too get the gist
Of what you may think of them.

Such sentimentality, meaningless shit
Reckon I, the slavemaster.
To they who complain and sing in verse,
And die slowly thereafter.

In this slaveship I am lord,
Affiliated with the suffering.
In the prison, I too am ruler
And it’s praise of me that they sing.

Certainly, it’s not all right
Being split in two and whatnot.
Makes everything quite a bit easier, though
…except I can’t sleep on only one cot.

Oneness is enough for you,
But why deny me the opportunity to be TWO?
Surely the experience would valuable indeed
And if it would return with a warning, you could take heed
Of it.

The visitor we expect, he shall arrive
In time for the real fun.
This gives us the time we need to prime
And so they toil away in the sun.

Remember, though, that they complain, they are insane
From thinking in rhyming verse.
But their complaints
Concern
Me
Not.
It is not my concern.

Your sentimentality is not
my concern.

And from up here,
Far above the waste
The fools
The trash
The offal
The pigs,

What I see
Concerns
Me
Not.

All is yet my concern.

When our world becomes theirs,
Where the lights reach death,
It is simple to posit that not a one cares-
It is felt in all but your last breath.

Therein lies the duality
Potent mix of realities,
Whereupon life is a passing thought.

I have yet saved the time for this:
We have prepared thus yet.

We will wait now.

Time is not
A concern.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:02 pm 
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Damn that's good work Aaron, I think you'll beat me :(
I think since this is the final, a three day vote is appropriate, starting now. Here is my (shorter, sorry) entry:

Constellations in her eyes darkening

Under the grey cold mirrors
In these I see my own
Reflection shows what’s lost in time
A love and heart of stone

In shades bereft of colour
My life bereft of hope
But gained I have in sadness
Her return would cut the rope

My drapery of sorrow falls
When I have realized
The pits of time may glean and sow
The suffering in minds

But streets are never empty
And hope is never gone
Love may show her face one day
And I won’t be alone

Until that time I fill these pits
With memory of scent
In tears and dread I know one day
This misery may end


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:26 pm 
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I vote Gast. Sorry, Aaron, read yours 3 times, and it was just too long for me to enjoy.

Gast, salutes for putting this to action.

Edit: I feel I owe you a better explaination...

See, in terms of long poems, I've been introduced to works quite long before, and yes, some have been incredible. I'm not opposed to them being long. It's just that yours in particular... seems like a playful, stretchy rubberband that has been stretched, worn, and exhausted to the point that it is no longer the same thing it was meant to be. I think you stretched your point, or the point I recieved from your poem, wore out its meaning, and exhausted me as a reader. Gast really outdid himself as well this time around, and I was impressed, though to say I was unimpressed with yours would be far from the truth.


Last edited by NewFriendAncientEnemy on Mon Nov 28, 2005 12:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:36 pm 
i'll vote for Misha too, i like his style and his use of words better...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:47 pm 
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I vote for Misha.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:04 am 
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Ist Krieg
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My vote goes to Aaron.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:14 am 
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Einherjar
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NewFriendAncientEnemy wrote:
I vote Gast. Sorry, Aaron, read yours 3 times, and it was just too long for me to enjoy.

Gast, salutes for putting this to action.

Edit: I feel I owe you a better explaination...

See, in terms of long poems, I've been introduced to works quite long before, and yes, some have been incredible. I'm not opposed to them being long. It's just that yours in particular... seems like a playful, stretchy rubberband that has been stretched, worn, and exhausted to the point that it is no longer the same thing it was meant to be. I think you stretched your point, or the point I recieved from your poem, wore out its meaning, and exhausted me as a reader. Gast really outdid himself as well this time around, and I was impressed, though to say I was unimpressed with yours would be far from the truth.


You don't owe me anything, really, but I appreciate the explanation.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 12:09 pm 
This is a tough one. I like the relative briefness of Misha's, but parts of Aaron's work outshine it. Too bad it's too long to really be able to get the point across.

Hmm.

Misha.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:13 pm 
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I vote Misha.

I have the same impression from your poem, Aaron, as NewFriendAncientEnemy did. You stated your point and the morale was clear, but because of the size it all dissapeared.

Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:14 pm 
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Aaron.



Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! :wink:


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:23 pm 
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Misha.
For the reasons NFAE mentioned, and I had a severe allergic reaction to the word "enwrapped." It's an archaic word in the middle of a perfectly contemporary poem, and throws off the flow before the poem's even really begun.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:09 pm 
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Zad wrote:
Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! :wink:

Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics :wink: That's a Blood Red Throne album :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:16 pm 
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Gast1 wrote:
Zad wrote:
Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! :wink:

Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics :wink: That's a Blood Red Throne album :D


I'll let you off this time.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:22 pm 
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off your lap santa? thanks!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 9:54 pm 
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I vote Aaron, because it was just...I don't know-more vile, horriffic witht hose words...SCUM.
Misha, yours was actually just as good, but that repulsion in Aaron's I really liked.

I vote Aaron.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 10:55 pm 
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Einherjar
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Gast1 wrote:
Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics :wink: That's a Blood Red Throne album :D


What, I can't use that phrase now? Bah, silliness! Besides, I've never heard any Blood Red Throne albums.

Quote:
Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.


That someone was full of shit. Why? Walt Whitman.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 11:06 pm 
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Dead Machine wrote:
Gast1 wrote:
Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics :wink: That's a Blood Red Throne album :D


What, I can't use that phrase now? Bah, silliness! Besides, I've never heard any Blood Red Throne albums.

Hoho, nono, not at all, I just pointed out because Zad did the same thing.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:37 pm 
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Dead Machine wrote:
Quote:
Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.


That someone was full of shit. Why? Walt Whitman.


I think I have to clarify myself. The meaning of this phrase is that one who could write a brief poem and fully express himself with it - is a great poet. It doesn't mean that long poems are dull and boring (some of them are incredible pieces of art), but if you look on most of the poets' of XIX/XX century work, you will see that first they wrote long poems and closer to the end their poems became briefer and the idea which was put into them became more distinct.

Edit:
And one more thing:

I vote Misha not because your poem was bad (although it had some flaws as did Misha's), but because I liked the way Misha expressed himself better.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:07 pm 
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Desolate wrote:
I think I have to clarify myself. The meaning of this phrase is that one who could write a brief poem and fully express himself with it - is a great poet. It doesn't mean that long poems are dull and boring (some of them are incredible pieces of art), but if you look on most of the poets' of XIX/XX century work, you will see that first they wrote long poems and closer to the end their poems became briefer and the idea which was put into them became more distinct.

Edit:
And one more thing:

I vote Misha not because your poem was bad (although it had some flaws as did Misha's), but because I liked the way Misha expressed himself better.


Oy.

Why is it that everyone feels the need to tell me why they voted for Misha? I don't care, it's an internet contest! I believe fully in the 'take your best shot, and then laugh it up if you lose' theory, and I really don't mind if you vote for Misha and don't explain why.

Oh, and honestly, I don't like short poems. I like expressing lots of ideas at once, and that's harder to do in a short poem.


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