Metal Reviews :: View topic - Round 3, Lyrics tournament Aaron VS Misha

I vote Gast. Sorry, Aaron, read yours 3 times, and it was just too long for me to enjoy.

Gast, salutes for putting this to action.

Edit: I feel I owe you a better explaination...

See, in terms of long poems, I've been introduced to works quite long before, and yes, some have been incredible. I'm not opposed to them being long. It's just that yours in particular... seems like a playful, stretchy rubberband that has been stretched, worn, and exhausted to the point that it is no longer the same thing it was meant to be. I think you stretched your point, or the point I recieved from your poem, wore out its meaning, and exhausted me as a reader. Gast really outdid himself as well this time around, and I was impressed, though to say I was unimpressed with yours would be far from the truth.

Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! :wink:

Zad wrote:

Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! :wink:

Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics :wink:

That's a Blood Red Throne album

Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.

Gast1 wrote:

That's a Blood Red Throne album

What, I can't use that phrase now? Bah, silliness! Besides, I've never heard any Blood Red Throne albums.

Quote:

Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.

That someone was full of shit. Why? Walt Whitman.

I think I have to clarify myself. The meaning of this phrase is that one who could write a brief poem and fully express himself with it - is a great poet. It doesn't mean that long poems are dull and boring (some of them are incredible pieces of art), but if you look on most of the poets' of XIX/XX century work, you will see that first they wrote long poems and closer to the end their poems became briefer and the idea which was put into them became more distinct.

Edit:
And one more thing:

I vote Misha not because your poem was bad (although it had some flaws as did Misha's), but because I liked the way Misha expressed himself better.

Author:	Misha [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Round 3, Lyrics tournament Aaron VS Misha
I think it's about god damn time we pick this up again! It's still not finished! Aaron, to you the honour of posting your lyrics when ready!

Author:	Dead Machine [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:52 pm ]
Post subject:
I AM THEM And the sunsets gleamed of rusting iron, Of long passed days and midnight rays. Tungsten coated warriors enwrapped in blue flame. Flames of a memory. For tables were now set with steel, redolent of spice, pumpkin and rice this green wood is hateful to the hordes of peaceful men. Who do not exist. If they arrive here, they will die. And that will keep them from compromising The safety. Safety is not an issue, it is a concern and I take care of that, in it’s uselessness it spirals into usefulness. Through its nonsense There arrives only sense. Generated storms of night-mare potency in (and of) this issue but I am not concerned with that, because it is not my concern. Inmates dig holes with overused toothpicks they complain, they are insane, from thinking in rhyming verse. Their complaints concern me not, it is not my concern. I deal in people, as some would deal in money. It matters not, for they are the same. Perhaps a bit weightier, but when dragged and crushed down, they are the same. Your complaints are not my concern. Conduits. That’s what I call them I am they. The dreaming are the remembered ones. Weaklings. That’s what I call them. I am one. I am the ruling one. Facilities are mocking, In this slaveship Upon these decks they labor. And labor. Endeavors are pointless, In this slaveship. Beneath the decks, I see vermin. Abovedecks, scum. There won’t be another day To sing, and laugh, and see away All these heroes that have gone. Best to do it while they exist, So that they too get the gist Of what you may think of them. Such sentimentality, meaningless shit Reckon I, the slavemaster. To they who complain and sing in verse, And die slowly thereafter. In this slaveship I am lord, Affiliated with the suffering. In the prison, I too am ruler And it’s praise of me that they sing. Certainly, it’s not all right Being split in two and whatnot. Makes everything quite a bit easier, though …except I can’t sleep on only one cot. Oneness is enough for you, But why deny me the opportunity to be TWO? Surely the experience would valuable indeed And if it would return with a warning, you could take heed Of it. The visitor we expect, he shall arrive In time for the real fun. This gives us the time we need to prime And so they toil away in the sun. Remember, though, that they complain, they are insane From thinking in rhyming verse. But their complaints Concern Me Not. It is not my concern. Your sentimentality is not my concern. And from up here, Far above the waste The fools The trash The offal The pigs, What I see Concerns Me Not. All is yet my concern. When our world becomes theirs, Where the lights reach death, It is simple to posit that not a one cares- It is felt in all but your last breath. Therein lies the duality Potent mix of realities, Whereupon life is a passing thought. I have yet saved the time for this: We have prepared thus yet. We will wait now. Time is not A concern.

Author:	Misha [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:
Damn that's good work Aaron, I think you'll beat me :( I think since this is the final, a three day vote is appropriate, starting now. Here is my (shorter, sorry) entry: Constellations in her eyes darkening Under the grey cold mirrors In these I see my own Reflection shows what’s lost in time A love and heart of stone In shades bereft of colour My life bereft of hope But gained I have in sadness Her return would cut the rope My drapery of sorrow falls When I have realized The pits of time may glean and sow The suffering in minds But streets are never empty And hope is never gone Love may show her face one day And I won’t be alone Until that time I fill these pits With memory of scent In tears and dread I know one day This misery may end

Author:	NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:
I vote Gast. Sorry, Aaron, read yours 3 times, and it was just too long for me to enjoy. Gast, salutes for putting this to action. Edit: I feel I owe you a better explaination... See, in terms of long poems, I've been introduced to works quite long before, and yes, some have been incredible. I'm not opposed to them being long. It's just that yours in particular... seems like a playful, stretchy rubberband that has been stretched, worn, and exhausted to the point that it is no longer the same thing it was meant to be. I think you stretched your point, or the point I recieved from your poem, wore out its meaning, and exhausted me as a reader. Gast really outdid himself as well this time around, and I was impressed, though to say I was unimpressed with yours would be far from the truth.

Author:	Astaroth [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:36 pm ]
Post subject:
i'll vote for Misha too, i like his style and his use of words better...

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Author:	Kathaarian [ Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:
I vote for Misha.

Author:	Legacy Of The Night [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:04 am ]
Post subject:
My vote goes to Aaron.

Author:	Dead Machine [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:14 am ]
Post subject:
NewFriendAncientEnemy wrote: I vote Gast. Sorry, Aaron, read yours 3 times, and it was just too long for me to enjoy. Gast, salutes for putting this to action. Edit: I feel I owe you a better explaination... See, in terms of long poems, I've been introduced to works quite long before, and yes, some have been incredible. I'm not opposed to them being long. It's just that yours in particular... seems like a playful, stretchy rubberband that has been stretched, worn, and exhausted to the point that it is no longer the same thing it was meant to be. I think you stretched your point, or the point I recieved from your poem, wore out its meaning, and exhausted me as a reader. Gast really outdid himself as well this time around, and I was impressed, though to say I was unimpressed with yours would be far from the truth. You don't owe me anything, really, but I appreciate the explanation.

Author:	Anonymous [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 12:09 pm ]
Post subject:
This is a tough one. I like the relative briefness of Misha's, but parts of Aaron's work outshine it. Too bad it's too long to really be able to get the point across. Hmm. Misha.

Author:	Desolate [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:13 pm ]
Post subject:
I vote Misha. I have the same impression from your poem, Aaron, as NewFriendAncientEnemy did. You stated your point and the morale was clear, but because of the size it all dissapeared. Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great.

Author:	Goat [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Aaron. Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut!

Author:	Carnifex Umbris [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:23 pm ]
Post subject:
Misha. For the reasons NFAE mentioned, and I had a severe allergic reaction to the word "enwrapped." It's an archaic word in the middle of a perfectly contemporary poem, and throws off the flow before the poem's even really begun.

Author:	Misha [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:09 pm ]
Post subject:
Zad wrote: Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics That's a Blood Red Throne album

Author:	Goat [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:
Gast1 wrote: Zad wrote: Was that 'Drapery falls' an Opeth rip-off, Misha? Tut-tut! Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics That's a Blood Red Throne album I'll let you off this time.

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Author:	Misha [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:22 pm ]
Post subject:
off your lap santa? thanks!

Author:	Metalhead_Bastard [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:
I vote Aaron, because it was just...I don't know-more vile, horriffic witht hose words...SCUM. Misha, yours was actually just as good, but that repulsion in Aaron's I really liked. I vote Aaron.

Author:	Dead Machine [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 10:55 pm ]
Post subject:
Gast1 wrote: Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics That's a Blood Red Throne album What, I can't use that phrase now? Bah, silliness! Besides, I've never heard any Blood Red Throne albums. Quote: Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great. That someone was full of shit. Why? Walt Whitman.

Author:	Misha [ Mon Nov 28, 2005 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:
Dead Machine wrote: Gast1 wrote: Haha, yeah sorry, I looked it up and it's an Opeth song or something :( I didn't know that and I thought I made it up myself (everyone knows how I like Opeth ;)). But I also discovered Affiliated With The Suffering in Aaron's lyrics That's a Blood Red Throne album What, I can't use that phrase now? Bah, silliness! Besides, I've never heard any Blood Red Throne albums. Hoho, nono, not at all, I just pointed out because Zad did the same thing.

Author:	Desolate [ Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:37 pm ]
Post subject:
Dead Machine wrote: Quote: Someone once said that the ability to write a poem that consists only of four lines makes a poet great. That someone was full of shit. Why? Walt Whitman. I think I have to clarify myself. The meaning of this phrase is that one who could write a brief poem and fully express himself with it - is a great poet. It doesn't mean that long poems are dull and boring (some of them are incredible pieces of art), but if you look on most of the poets' of XIX/XX century work, you will see that first they wrote long poems and closer to the end their poems became briefer and the idea which was put into them became more distinct. Edit: And one more thing: I vote Misha not because your poem was bad (although it had some flaws as did Misha's), but because I liked the way Misha expressed himself better.

Author:	Dead Machine [ Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:
Desolate wrote: I think I have to clarify myself. The meaning of this phrase is that one who could write a brief poem and fully express himself with it - is a great poet. It doesn't mean that long poems are dull and boring (some of them are incredible pieces of art), but if you look on most of the poets' of XIX/XX century work, you will see that first they wrote long poems and closer to the end their poems became briefer and the idea which was put into them became more distinct. Edit: And one more thing: I vote Misha not because your poem was bad (although it had some flaws as did Misha's), but because I liked the way Misha expressed himself better. Oy. Why is it that everyone feels the need to tell me why they voted for Misha? I don't care, it's an internet contest! I believe fully in the 'take your best shot, and then laugh it up if you lose' theory, and I really don't mind if you vote for Misha and don't explain why. Oh, and honestly, I don't like short poems. I like expressing lots of ideas at once, and that's harder to do in a short poem.