Metal Reviews

Misc - Survival Of The Kvltest - Black Metal competition results

Published on Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:14 am
Source: The Metal Reviews Team

MR posters?

Long time lurker/review reader, but I have no idea why I didn't make a profile. But now that I have, watch my post count skyrocket haha

Welcome aboard!

If I find out that one of these winners also put "Because i'm cute" as their entry and won. I'm going to be angry.

I am Terrordactyl, and in case you haven't heard ov me (which yov have), here's a short list of my blackest achievements:

I always replace the letter u with a v. Even on my driver’s license.

I record all ov my albvms on an answering machine in the middle ov the forest.

I invented the black plagve.

I was born in the year 1349.

My favorite movie is End of Days starring Arnold Schwarzeneggar and Satan.

I was the second gvnman in the grassy knoll.

I believe that wombat hvnting should only be done with a broadsword or a battle axe

Why should I win? Well for starters, in my spare time I build churches out of toothpicks only to burn them to the fucking ground. I'm so kvlt that I dedicate all my defications to the dark lord. I wrote a song about it, too-
"This Necro toilet Filled with turds I'll flush them down Like my soul Swirling downward Spinning shit Into the oceans My Necro turds"

I hail from the deserts of Arizona, the state thats so grvm even its vegitaion has spikes. Others shouldn't win because, simply put, they aren't me.

666 Sacrificial Lane
9th ring, Hell
66633


Zadok, I am writing from hell. In life I was a sick maggot only concerned with the massacre of all who opposed metal. I lived my life (and now afterlife) only the way a demon like me should have. Crush your enemies, slaughter, and torment. I was an Italian American before I was banished to the 9th ring of Hell. I belive I should win your competition because I enjoy all types of metal (if it's real metal, and it's good), have a distinct knowledge about the history and lore of metal, and always look to metal reviews before I make a purchase I haven't thought over. The others don't deserve to win. They haven't felt what it is like to be banished, they have yet to drink the blood of the innocent, and they haven't a clue about the music. Due to my knowledge, lifestyle (and deathstyle), worldwide appreciation and open mind, I should beat the other bastard children of religious lies.


From Sheol to your computer,

Anthony "Ravenous" Carriuolo

If I find out that one of these winners also put "Because i'm cute" as their entry and won. I'm going to be angry.

I think that I deserve to win because I listened to a Stryper song backwards and they subliminally said to me, "You probably deserve to win this contest. Give it a shot."

Because I'm cute.

And losing entries:



Listening to Stryper? Fail.



Come to think of it, she should have won.

crap, i forgot