Metal Reviews

Seriously, I feel ignored. You wouldn't want me to do something crazy... like this!

(Grabs the nearest reviewer)

Alright, I've got... (reads) Al@metalreviews.com at gunpoint. I'll off him if I have to.

(Gets judo flipped, comically hitting a dart board on a wall.)

(Ironically, for our hero, there isn't really a wall or a dart board, but merely a man holding a 6 foot sword outright in front of him. NFAE's gut is run through the length of the sword, and the length of the man's arm. Doomed, he manages to stutter these last trembling words...)

....I (Goes limp)

(The President of the United States is the first one on the scene, and is quick to check for a pulse. However, the hope on his face melts off as the mood becomes quite somber.)

President: He's gone... He will be buried with top honors.

Stone Cold: Let's throw him off a bridge.

President: Okay.

The END.

End dream... no.... nightmare sequence. Do yourselves a favor. End the nightmare. Make the right choice.

I should be a reviewer.

After that post, yes. You should be a reviewer. Except you should only be aloud to review power metal.

One silly post. One silly willy post.

But, seriously, that seems to be how it works... whine until you get hired, and then act like it was your credentials that got you the spot on the team. (Partially true, but JK.)

I already PMed the recommended guy, no response, so I figured I'd try what seems to work. Sue me.

I didn't whine. You have to do the following 10 things to become a reviewer here:

01. Establish yourself as an uber-poster.
02. Show your superior metal skills in discussions on Kittie, In Flames and Evanescence.
03. Accept metalNESS's e-love passes in stride.
04. Call his mother when he's at work.
05. Ignored Holy_Terror and Husker on a regular basis.
06. Get a new forum created and watch Zad freak out.
07. Admit that black metal sucks, including Burzum (whoever the fuck that is).
08. Accept that Def Leppard is the greatest band in the world.
09. Learn In Flames is not nu-metal, and that Avenged Sevenfold are idiots and not power metal.
10. Accept that Gamma Ray have no Classic metal albums.

After that, it's up to the metal gods. Pretty easy.

Suck lots of dick.

Example: Eyesore

That's good advice, and 2, 3, and 4 should be easy, especially 3 and 4 (sexily easy)! But, as for the other steps... I don't think I can take the heat.

LOL.

That was funny because it was blunt, but I've never seen Eyesore suck anyone off. He usually just tells people off.

Are you still mad I said no?

lol

I HAHAHA!!

This thread made me laugh. If NFAE becomes a reviewer, we will see much more black metal getting reviewed. Which is not a bad thing, but I think we have a sufficient amount of black metal being reviewed already.

Black metal suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!

If NFAE becomes a reviewer, I will be very pissed off. You think you've seen me annoyed before? Won't be nothing to what will come.

Nothing personal, but that's how it is.

check out Norselaw, they're exactly your style.

Nu-Black metal?

no,just gay

Norselaw is hilarious. They're not serious.

Actually, Black metal is a new fascination with me. Not that I wouldn't review it... However, I could have been the go to guy for Death Metal. I might've scratched untouched surfaces, but I don't think it's gunna pan out. :(

If it's because you don't want ME to review, it sure feels personal. :cry:

If it's because of frustration, and rejection of your own ambitions, then I wouldn't worry much. By the way, who's that in your avatar?

I should be reviewer.

I can letter into words real good.

And make statements like "Black metal is for auditory massochists"

Rasputin, but I like to call him "The man who refused to die".

Seriously.