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 Post subject: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2015 9:04 pm 
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Metal Lord
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Location: Norway
Tinnitus at soul crushing levels these days, contemplating suicide. I'm having so much stress and angst like you wouldn't believe. I'm having a hard time breathing correctly because i'm in so much despair. Little to no sleep for 5 days now (going on 6) doesn't help either and i feel like a walking zombie. The sound is so loud it cut's through pretty much anything i throw at it when it comes to masking the noises. I've not eaten much in these past 5 days although i did manage to eat something today it didn't taste very well. Nothing brings me joy anymore and things like music sound disharmonious and shallow and video games which i used to love does nothing for me because i can't concentrate properly over these sounds from Hell. My doctor who showed me no sympathy barely bothered to write me some sleeping pills today and hopefully they'll work (I'm never using this guy again as he didn't take me and my suicidal thoughts seriously and he basically kicked me while i'm way down) . So....fucking....tired. Maybe i'll get lucky and die from exhaustion and fatigue in my sleep. My father died in his sleep last year, maybe some of you remember me making that post? Anyways, i know suicide is a terrible thing to do as it hurts your loved ones almost as much as it hurts you but if there is nothing but suffering is life really worth living? You're not really living then are you? You're just surviving. Not living. The fucked up part is that i have lot's to live for. A devoted and loving family and friends who cares about me deeply. To quote Robbie Williams: I don't WANT to die but i'm not that keen on living either...I've struggled with this shit for 7-8 years now and i'm at the end of my proverbial rope (I would never hang myself though) and at the end of what little wits i have left. As a man of a shaky at best faith i shouldn't fear death as i believe God (if He is real) would actually be reasonable and understand my decision to terminate my current incarnation if the suffering become to unbearable and (hopefully) reunite me with my father. Then on the other hand there is that fear that i'll simply trade one hellish existence for another in the Lake of Fire if suicide really is ultimate deadly sin for which there is no repentance (according to Catholic teaching anyways, i'm not a Catholic though.)

Sorry for the wall of text and for bringing everybody down, Necrodude aka Alex the severely broken man signing out...


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Fri May 22, 2015 12:15 am 
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Ist Krieg

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I'm sorry Alex. Based on what I've read, and what you've related about your experiences over the years, I think anyone living with tinnitus is a hero, and surely a reasonable and just God would understand the existential crisis you find yourself in now.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2015 12:12 am 
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My heart goes out to you, Alex. The few times I've experienced (relatively mild) tinnitus, such as after a Motorhead concert, were bad enough... All I can say is fuck your current doctor, definitely get a second opinion if you can, I know sound therapy and hearing aids are supposed to work wonders in some cases.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2015 9:37 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
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Suicide is something I too have contemplated during by two bouts with clinical depression. Ultimately it was my friends and family who convinced me to keep going. All I'm going to say on the matter is this: if you do decide life is simply not worth going on with talk with your friends and family about it first. Help them understand and come to terms with your decision first.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2015 9:23 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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That sounds awful and I suggest you talk to a counsellor before you do anything drastic! (I imagine Norway has suicide hotlines? I found this via google http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/interna ... lines.html)


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 6:02 am 
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Ist Krieg
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Seek some better medical advice before you do anything drastic.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 5:46 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:26 am
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Sit in dead silence and focus on the ringing in the center of your mind and breath. Try as best as you can to get the airflow to enter as high as you can through your air passages.

Death will not solve anything. You'll literally accomplish nothing through suicide. You won't even perceive your death, but you'll create a separate reality where you torment the ones you love through your actions.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 7:08 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:26 am
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Try this:

lower the back of your tongue into your throat and lower the thing your tongue hits. This is called the epiglottis.

Hold just below the bridge of your nose to flow the airflow.

You should feel your eustacian tubes tighten. Exhale and they'll expand.

Keep popping your ears back and forth and get the airflow deep into your diaphragm and this should actually HEAL your inner ears or at the very least clear the broken hairlike things in there so they aren't creating an electrical short circuit, which is what ear ringing is.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 4:26 am 
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Ist Krieg
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Adveser wrote:
You won't even perceive your death, but you'll create a separate reality where you torment the ones you love through your actions.
That's actually kinda a cool way of thinking about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:00 am 
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traptunderice wrote:
Adveser wrote:
You won't even perceive your death, but you'll create a separate reality where you torment the ones you love through your actions.
That's actually kinda a cool way of thinking about it.


Yes. Started noticing little flashes of profundity in Adveser's posts, not sure if I should be worried or if I'm just learning to read him better!


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 2:31 am 
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Hey guys, still here. Still depressed. Still tormented. Less suicidal. But i'm trying to deal as best i can, i can't very well let a noise defeat me now can i?


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:52 am 
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Ist Krieg
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The Necrodude wrote:
Hey guys, still here. Still depressed. Still tormented. Less suicidal. But i'm trying to deal as best i can, i can't very well let a noise defeat me now can i?

Thanks for the heads up. Did Addy's transdimensional methods help?

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:34 pm 
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Metal Lord
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traptunderice wrote:
The Necrodude wrote:
Hey guys, still here. Still depressed. Still tormented. Less suicidal. But i'm trying to deal as best i can, i can't very well let a noise defeat me now can i?

Thanks for the heads up. Did Addy's transdimensional methods help?


Nope, maybe he's just on another plane of existence which allows him to do this stuff :D

Seems us regular mortals have to wait until they come up with some good drugs to combat this hideous affliction. There are several treatments being tested as we speak and i'm praying for some good results.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:27 am 
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It's only through affliction that one learns the bliss of existence. As unimaginatively painful your situation is, I am convinced that people that suffer in large dozes come out made naturally mentally stronger and with more depth of character. I hope the best for you.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:56 am 
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SilkCrimsonMoon wrote:
It's only through affliction that one learns the bliss of existence. As unimaginatively painful your situation is, I am convinced that people that suffer in large dozes come out made naturally mentally stronger and with more depth of character. I hope the best for you.


Well i hardly consider my life to be blissful, if anything it's immensely tiring and trying. Not having a moment of (waking) rest mentally for 8 years can be incredibly harsh to one's psyche and spirit (now imagine a lifetime of endless noise and what it will do to you..) trust me i know all about it. But like i said, i'm really trying. If what you say is true then i will be quite the man at the end of my (earthly) journey.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:07 am 
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Ist Krieg

Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 3:07 am
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Location: USoA
The Necrodude wrote:
traptunderice wrote:
The Necrodude wrote:
Hey guys, still here. Still depressed. Still tormented. Less suicidal. But i'm trying to deal as best i can, i can't very well let a noise defeat me now can i?

Thanks for the heads up. Did Addy's transdimensional methods help?


Nope, maybe he's just on another plane of existence which allows him to do this stuff :D

Seems us regular mortals have to wait until they come up with some good drugs to combat this hideous affliction. There are several treatments being tested as we speak and i'm praying for some good results.


If nothing else, Addy's "wisdom" is hopefully good for a chuckle.


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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2015 8:29 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:26 am
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Yeah, I only learned it from The Goddess of Wisdom herself, who taught me how to resurrect myself when I was beaten to death last October. What does she know, right?

The only reason I was dead to begin with was to go to the Underworld to rescue her anyway, so she repaid the favor because she *loves* me and all and I have to teach her how to tell those bands I like which lyrics to write to inspire me to sing so that I eventually learn how to connect to her Ka and I would sacrifice my life to rescue her from the underworld, so she could teach me how to resurrect myself, so that I would learn the secrets of life and death.

It is a difficult paradox to understand.

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 Post subject: Re: Death, part 2.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:25 am 
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Adveser wrote:
Yeah, I only learned it from The Goddess of Wisdom herself, who taught me how to resurrect myself when I was beaten to death last October. What does she know, right?

The only reason I was dead to begin with was to go to the Underworld to rescue her anyway, so she repaid the favor because she *loves* me and all and I have to teach her how to tell those bands I like which lyrics to write to inspire me to sing so that I eventually learn how to connect to her Ka and I would sacrifice my life to rescue her from the underworld, so she could teach me how to resurrect myself, so that I would learn the secrets of life and death.

It is a difficult paradox to understand.



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Good you're sticking around, Necrodude. Know for a fact like I said earlier in the thread, that things like sound therapy and hearing aids set to a certain frequency are helping people, and I hope you find something soon that does for you.


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