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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:22 am 
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Ist Krieg
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:15 pm
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Location: Cincinnati OH
Girlfriend and I moved to Ohio, where I was originally from, from where we were living in DC at the beginning of this year. Allergies and the air quality are much worse here. She has bore the brunt of it, but over the last few days my allergies have been kicking my ass.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:06 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Must be hard man. Hope that shit sorts itself out quick. Makes me thankful my only allergies are bee stings and penicillin two things I'm unlikely to encounter regularly.

Finished learning Sabbath's 'War Pigs' in my guitar lesson today. Should really say relearning but whatever. So glad I finally managed to squeeze time into my week for lessons again. Still annoys me how much I forgot thanks to last year's accident though.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:53 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:40 am
Posts: 13758
Location: Canada
moved back to victoria a month ago and on one hand my wife is way happier here and i'm working real hard on my thesis but on the other i feel kinda lonely because i dont really have friends here ? just a lot of acquaintances. all my close friends have moved away or developed different interests from me in the last two years and i miss montreal friends


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2015 1:19 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Must be hard. I don't have a lot of friends, and don't make friends easily, so I can empathise with moving somewhere where friends are few and far between.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2015 8:13 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:26 am
Posts: 2491
Well, I moved in with my girlfriend, but honestly, she doesn't feel like the right woman for me. We are very good friends and we make a very good team and everything...but...

Basically, there's someone else I can't get my mind off of. She made me realize I was acting like a delusional drug addict who was under the impression that only by doing some sort derivative of amphetamines, either street drugs or by prescription that I could in fact sing.

The fact is that I could always sing since I was a child and the drugs only complicated things, made me have really false beliefs about singing that have held me back for years on end. They had me believing really stupid things as if a demon were sitting on my shoulder telling me complete lies about how to apply technique then laughing when those same techniques did not work off the drugs, which of course they didn't.

It's been made quite clear to me. Pick the girl or the drugs and the girl will help with the singing more than the drugs ever did.

Part of it is getting over the fact that some of the bands I was singing along was very foolish to believe that is the way I should be singing in the first place. I sing stuff a hell of a lot more in tune with my voice now and it works. Over the last two weeks every day has been a huge improvement. One little lesson a day correcting the mistakes of the past. Occasionally I am being shown that some old belief I had was totally wrong by having everything right, then that one stupid idea wrecks it for a few hours, then it isn't part of the singing equation anymore. Quite strange that it's almost literally like having an expert teacher popping the right information into my mind right when I need it.

I like to think we have a somewhat psychic connection. I have always felt a presence inside of me while I sing and that is the sole reason I ever did it to begin with. Along with strange dreams, childhood memories and a shitload of emotional baggage and denial that comes with it, not to mention it manifesting as cognitive dissonance and occasionally manifesting a temporary psychological disorder.

See, I had a twin or maybe had been part of triplets in the womb and was the sole survivor. I believe my sister reincarnated and I may have in fact discovered who she is. That's the overwhelming feeling I get when I read what a certain person writes and says...but then again, this affliction is more common that one would think and as well, anyone that has suffered from this would of course start mirroring yourself in a great many ways. But this has gotten quite specific at the symmetry of our circumstances in our lives with of course the differences in culture, upbringing and the people we've involved in our lives. There are a LOT of these people making heavy metal records for some reason and in the past I believed there was some connection and now that I see it isn't personal...it's just that I can sympathize with their lyrics in a way because I understand what their subconscious is trying to project.

Anyway. Two months ago, I read the story of someone I had overlooked, even thought her presence was so close to what I had already been quite immersed in for the last ten years, I just didn't make the connection. Call it an error in judgment that was made quite a few times when I had the opportunity to discover this. Sort of liking going to high school with someone...passing them in the halls and then a decade later you end up working with them and grow quite affectionate of them and start wondering how you could have been so stupid not to say hello those times you could have.

Since that time, I've sobered up to reality, quit the drugs which never did anything at all for me but make me delusional and paranoid. That nice fuzzy feeling the drugs gave me of oneness, connectedness, being whole again and maybe even a nice secret touch of the heart as Neil Peart would say has replaced all that crap. Again...not with my girlfriend, who is nice and everything, but she's more like a best friend and she knows it. She is even being supportive about the fact she knows my heart belongs to someone else, I guess, and asks how she can help.

I don't know. All I know is I can sing again...and not that delusional bullshit I used to do. Maybe this is fate...Or a new delusion! But whatever happens I'm going to live up to my potential now that I am finally doing things for the right reason.

No more mental blocks where I thought I needed an Adderall to sing, so I never could without it. No more crazy delusions because I didn't understand the source for my problems. No more acting like an egotistical ass because obviously I am a moron who doesn't know anything to keep fucking up this badly and act arrogant about my assertions in the process. Just no more pain anymore. No more bullshit.

I have about 40 songs written for an album. And I'm in sort of a hurry to get it done and released within the next six months and no later. I have a concept of albums that will take several albums...but the first record I'll do is chronicle this change in music form. That's the best I can do and hope the right person notices it sooner or later.

Anyway. Thanks for entertaining for these years and my stupidity.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:38 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
For the first time in years I actually don't feel as though the black cloud of depression is hanging over my head. It's such a liberating feeling not to have that nagging voice in my head pulling me down constantly. I generally feel great about life. Oh and the girlfriend and I had a wonderful time Friday for our 1 year anniversary. I actually think she's part of the reason why I've finally broken free of deppression.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 8:23 pm 
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Einherjar

Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:26 am
Posts: 2491
I'm glad you are feeling better. That's exactly how I feel.

"Once you find love - you're facing the light"

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 4:55 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:15 pm
Posts: 13700
Location: Cincinnati OH
noodles wrote:
moved back to victoria a month ago and on one hand my wife is way happier here and i'm working real hard on my thesis but on the other i feel kinda lonely because i dont really have friends here ? just a lot of acquaintances. all my close friends have moved away or developed different interests from me in the last two years and i miss montreal friends
Been having this issue with my partner moving to a new city. I have friends and a history here, and insofar as she doesn't necessarily gel with all of my friends she has been struggling to carve her own niche out in the city. I feel like you might have it easier as a guy, you can easily go out and make friends with folks of the opposite sex while women have to steer clear in order to not lead dudes on. I just try to plan things often with my friends that she does like. Lots of trivia nights at bars and board games at friends' houses. Having moved to Virginia years ago, I was in a similar situation as you. I had grad school friends, but grad students commiserating over the costs of living and going on about classwork and theory became kinda brutal and so I just picked up playing Magic: The Gathering again after ten years and made new friends that way. Just went to one of those guys' wedding a few months back and hung out with them in New Jersey all weekend playing Magic. The trick is just finding things that get you away from writing for a night and get into a social environment that isn't a bar.

RelentlessOblivion wrote:
For the first time in years I actually don't feel as though the black cloud of depression is hanging over my head. It's such a liberating feeling not to have that nagging voice in my head pulling me down constantly. I generally feel great about life. Oh and the girlfriend and I had a wonderful time Friday for our 1 year anniversary. I actually think she's part of the reason why I've finally broken free of deppression.

That's great to hear. Be careful, though. God forbid something happen to your relationship, but find emotional security in other things or you could be setting yourself up for disaster. That sounds kinda awkward, but I think you'll be better for it and be a much better person having done so and probably a better partner within your relationship.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 8:51 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Yeah I get that, small steps man, right now I'm just enjoying the fact that I'm actually happy. Next step is working on my social network a bit 'cause I have very few friends these days.

In other news I feel like perhaps I've confused my ability to play guitar with my playing ambitions. Jumping straight from Black Sabbath to Nile perhaps wasn't my brightest idea ever. At least once I've finished with 'Cast Down The Heretic' I'll be ready to tackle pretty much anything ever recorded...


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 1:40 pm 
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Ist Krieg

Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:58 am
Posts: 15319
I have hardly any friends right now. I've got one buddy who I guess I've seen 10-15 times in the past 2 years. We hung out a lot for a few years but it's one of those things that's starting to get annoying. I meet a lot of drug addicts too, being attracted to all of this metal shit and what not...and I'm not just talking about weed and alcohol. My drumming has also gone to shit in the past year. I've gained some bad weight in my legs and it's really affecting my double bass >;o. I'm also currently on 4 different bi-polar/schizophrenia medications, risperdal, haldol, depakote, and cogentin. so fuck me. haha.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 1:57 pm 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Sorry to hear that man. Not sure what I can say other then that I hope things get better for you soon.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 3:45 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:15 pm
Posts: 13700
Location: Cincinnati OH
huskerc7 wrote:
I have hardly any friends right now. I've got one buddy who I guess I've seen 10-15 times in the past 2 years. We hung out a lot for a few years but it's one of those things that's starting to get annoying. I meet a lot of drug addicts too, being attracted to all of this metal shit and what not...and I'm not just talking about weed and alcohol. My drumming has also gone to shit in the past year. I've gained some bad weight in my legs and it's really affecting my double bass >;o. I'm also currently on 4 different bi-polar/schizophrenia medications, risperdal, haldol, depakote, and cogentin. so fuck me. haha.

Sounds like you need to start doing squats.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:17 pm 
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Jeg lever med min foreldre

Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2004 6:26 pm
Posts: 5736
Location: São Paulo and Lisboa
RelentlessOblivion wrote:
For the first time in years I actually don't feel as though the black cloud of depression is hanging over my head. It's such a liberating feeling not to have that nagging voice in my head pulling me down constantly. I generally feel great about life. Oh and the girlfriend and I had a wonderful time Friday for our 1 year anniversary. I actually think she's part of the reason why I've finally broken free of deppression.


hooray!

I already had friends in Paris when i moved there (plus i had cool roommates), in Brazil, living by myself, it was way harder, ended up hanging out with friends of friends and people i met through Couchsurfing. then again foreigners tend to find each other, i imagine it's a bit different when you're just moving cities. i guess find groups that share your interests, like Trapt's lame-ass nerdy Magic gang :P

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:51 pm 
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Ist Krieg

Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:58 am
Posts: 15319
traptunderice wrote:
huskerc7 wrote:
I have hardly any friends right now. I've got one buddy who I guess I've seen 10-15 times in the past 2 years. We hung out a lot for a few years but it's one of those things that's starting to get annoying. I meet a lot of drug addicts too, being attracted to all of this metal shit and what not...and I'm not just talking about weed and alcohol. My drumming has also gone to shit in the past year. I've gained some bad weight in my legs and it's really affecting my double bass >;o. I'm also currently on 4 different bi-polar/schizophrenia medications, risperdal, haldol, depakote, and cogentin. so fuck me. haha.

Sounds like you need to start doing squats.


Haha, yeah I need to get back into doing those. I did a good leg workout for a few years and then quit the squats because they started hurting my back and I felt like my knee was going to bust out on me. I still lift upper-body all the time though. I can bench/curl quite a bit now.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:05 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Hmm well cycling is a minimal impact exercise that's great for the legs. I'm slightly biased towards that path though actively pursuing the sport by way of a tandem 'cause it's probably very dangerous for a vision impaired person to ride a bike on their own. Anyway I digress the point is that's an option if squats are causing you trouble.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 6:50 am 
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Ist Krieg

Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:58 am
Posts: 15319
RelentlessOblivion wrote:
Hmm well cycling is a minimal impact exercise that's great for the legs. I'm slightly biased towards that path though actively pursuing the sport by way of a tandem 'cause it's probably very dangerous for a vision impaired person to ride a bike on their own. Anyway I digress the point is that's an option if squats are causing you trouble.


Oh I still do the leg press machine sometimes. You can always just cycle a stationary bike at a local gym or rec center.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:50 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
I could, but I don't need to,I have a setup for home training but man is it ever boring doing all that work and not going anywhere. Getting out there and doing it is much more fun if you ask me. Another week and I'll have gotten back enough of the fitness I lost through my torn hamstring and hamstring tendon to actually get back on my tandem. Sorry if I gave the impression I was only just taking up the sprt. I've been at it on the tandems (both road and track( since November of 2012.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 1:12 am 
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Ist Krieg
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:15 pm
Posts: 13700
Location: Cincinnati OH
Kinda enjoying posting on here again.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 1:32 am 
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Ist Krieg

Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:58 am
Posts: 15319
Been feeling pretty good. Football is back on so that's something I enjoy that I can watch.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you feel today ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:12 am 
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Einherjar

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:56 am
Posts: 1614
Location: Australia
Football season is just about over here. Can't say I'll miss it given my club had a pretty poor season.


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